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Band 5.5

Education is not luxury, but a basic human right and as such should be free for everyone irespective of personal wealth. Do you agree or disagree?

#education #luxury #right #irespective #wealth
Schooling is a
fundemental
Correct your spelling
fundamental
 right of
people
,
despite
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of
show examples
 their financial backgrounds
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
wealthy or poor.
This
 essay agrees with
this
 statement and
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 are explained below. Everyone should have access to free
education
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since
education
 is the key to
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
 a livelihood and thereby, a respectful life. If everyone has access to
education
, there will be fairness in the race for a job or business.
For example
, many developing countries have no means to provide
education
 and there is inequality in the society because of
this
.
Hence
, one can argue that
education
 is a basic right and
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
 should get it free.
Furthermore
, the money spent on health and
education
,
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apply
show examples
 is not a waste for the states.
This
 enables them to produce more productive youths and in turn, the GDP of the country increases. Wealthier
people
 can utilize
money
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the money
show examples
 needed for studies to create job opportunities. All of these contribute to the development of the nation.
Two
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The two
show examples
 biggest examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 are India and China. So one can say that studies must
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
me
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
 free for all
However
,some
people
 argue that
education
 comes with some cost and at least wealthy
people
 should pay for it.
While
 doing so,
state
Add an article
the state
a state
show examples
 can extend their help to
themost
Correct your spelling
the most
 needed
people
 or the service. In some developed countries , secondary
education
 is not free for all.
Although
,
this
 argument has some value, above mentioned reasons are stronger
to support
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for supporting
show examples
 free schooling In conclusion,
education
 should be accessible to all irrespective of their financial circumstances. Countries can progress with
this
 policy
further
.
Submitted by krishnabalu1984 on

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spelling
There are a few spelling errors in your essay. For example, 'fundamental' is misspelled as 'fundemental'. Make sure to proofread your essay for such errors.
examples
While your main points are well stated, try to provide more specific examples and deeper explanations to strengthen your arguments. For instance, elaborate more on how exactly education impacts GDP in detail.
sentence structure
Some of your sentences can be made more concise and clear. For instance, 'the money spent on health and education, is not a waste for the states' can be revised to 'spending on health and education benefits the state'.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt thoroughly, considering both sides of the argument before supporting the main thesis.
cohesion
Your use of linking words and phrases like 'thereby', 'hence', and 'Furthermore' helps to connect ideas smoothly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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