IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Making smoking illegal is the best way to protect people from the harmful effects of tobacco. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

#people #effects #tobacco #measures
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First of all, I disagree making smoking illegal is the best way to protect
people
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 from the harmful
effects
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 of tobacco. The smoking population is a social culture and education issue. Smoking illegal only produces bad
effects
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 on the control of
people
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 smoking. After that, social culture is a reason,
people
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 know it is harmful but
still
Add a comma
still,
show examples
 take it in. Smoking in many countries is cool and charming behaviour.
This
Linking Words
 thought is passed on to for next
generation
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
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 understand the harmful tobacco and
also
Linking Words
 take it in. It is a fixed thought
problem
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, need to educate the next
generation
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 and solve the
problem
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 in the future. Smoking illegally feel in control of their freedom, It only produces bad
effects
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. In my opinion, educating the next
generation
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 is the best way to solve the smoking
problem
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.
Although
Linking Words
 the process may be slow, it is effective to solve the
problem
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 in the foundation.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
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 teach children that smoking is harmful and break down their wrong thoughts.
Finally
Linking Words
, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Social culture is the main point for
people
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 smoking, smoking illegally just produces bad
effects
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. Educating the next
generation
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 is the best way to solve
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by oeil4399 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument against making smoking illegal and also offers an alternative solution; however, you need to explain your points in a more detailed and structured way.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Including more linking words could help improve the coherence.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your argument. This would make the essay more compelling and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
supported main points
Your essay contains relevant points about the influence of social culture and education on smoking habits.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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