IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Being a celebrity- such as famous film star or sports personality – brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

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Nowadays, everyone wants to become famous and live a
life
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 like a
celebrity
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. Though people are attracted towards the
luxuries
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luxurious
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life
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 of a
celebrity
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 sometimes they find many
problems
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 as well.
This
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 essay will elaborate on both its
benefits
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 and
problems
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,
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however
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however,
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 I think there are more
benefits
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 compared to
problems
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. On the one side, being a
celebrity
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 brought many
life
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-changing experiences and luxuries. Once a person becomes famous and rich, their
life
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 gets changed completely, they can buy anything, travel around the world, and they can enjoy their dream
life
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.
Moreover
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, you get in touch with other big personalities and get more opportunities.
For instance
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, Indian cricket team after winning the World Cup, every player became famous and later got more opportunities in Bollywood and modelling etc.
Thus
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, there is no doubt that a famous personality or
celebrity
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 gets huge
benefits
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.
On the other hand
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, famous people do get lots of hurdles and issues in their private
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life
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lives
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. Once a person falls into the limelight and
become
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becomes
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 the topic of discussion around the world, they face interference in their private
life
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 as well.
Additionally
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, sometimes media and other social media pages highlight
everymoment
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every moment
 of their
life
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 and make it available to the public.
For example
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, Hardik Pandya, a famous cricketer got divorced and the whole court proceedings went public because of some media houses.
However
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, these
problems
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 can be mitigated with some precautions and with some strict laws by the government.
To conclude
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, I would like to assert that, there is no doubt that a famous
celebrity
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 gets lots of
benefits
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 and enjoys his or her
life
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 but they do get some
problems
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along with
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 it.
However
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, I strongly think that there are more
benefits
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 compared to the
problems
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 and these
problems
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 can be controlled with some care and precautions.

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task achievement
Expand on the introduction to more clearly outline the key points that will be discussed in the essay. This helps in setting the stage for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Work on aligning the body paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting details. This helps to enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
Go deeper into the examples provided to illustrate your points more effectively. This provides a more robust task response.
task achievement
You have effectively introduced both the benefits and problems related to being a celebrity, providing a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which structure the argument well.
task achievement
Your main points are supported with specific examples which help to clarify your argument.
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