In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.
The custom of accommodation of
students
studying at the university
is different around the globe. Some college students
stay in their own towns with their families
while
others go to universities in cities away from their home
. I believe that attending schools outside their hometown is more beneficial to them and Fix the agreement mistake
homes
help
develop their personality.
In some countries, their Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
university
students
prefer to go to local universities in their home
cities, thus
they can stay in their families
' home
. Fix the agreement mistake
homes
While
that might be more comfortable for them, they deprive themselves of more opportunities outside their comfort zone such
as not going to high ranking
universities like Stanford or Harvard. Add a hyphen
high-ranking
Furthermore
, by relying on their families
to solve the issues which they might encounter, they would not learn problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
skills
and consequently
would not mature or be responsible and independent. Moreover
, depending on the presence of their families
financially might prevent them from working part-time jobs which would negatively impact their financial indepandence
and their working capabilities later in life.
Correct your spelling
independence
On the other hand
, in the countries with their students
who usually live alone in studio apartments or in dormitories will learn more social and financial skills
that will improve their personal characteristics. By living independently, they would get the opportunity to learn how to cook, clean, and manage their accommodation. Finanacial-wise, they would have to find ways to manage their expenses and find side jobs to support themselves if they were not on a scholarship. Additionally
, if they live in university
dormitories, they would meet more people with different personalities which in turn would enhance their social and economic skills
. All the aforementioned skills
, that the students
will gain from this
experience, will positively impact their growth and subsequently
they Add a comma
subsequently,
willl
be better responsible employees after graduation.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
will
university
students
in regard to the place where they would stay in during their studies vary from one country to another. In my opinion, the advantages of leaving their nest and staying far from home
overweigh
the disadvantages as it will enhance their personal growth and development.Verb problem
outweigh
Submitted by Lilly
on
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task achievement
To improve task achievement, try to incorporate more specific examples that can lend stronger support to your views. Current points are relevant, but specific anecdotes or case studies can add weight.
coherence
Ensure all paragraphs have clear topic sentences to enhance logical structure. Sometimes, ideas can become muddled if not clearly introduced.
cohesion
Maintain clear transitions between your ideas and paragraphs to ensure smoother flow and better cohesion. Sometimes the jump between ideas can seem abrupt.
introduction and conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which neatly tie the argument together.
task response
The ideas presented are comprehensive, making a strong argument in favor of living away from home during university studies.
structure
The essay is well-organized with paragraphs dedicated to specific points supporting the main idea.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example