Children are getting more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Children today face increasing pressures from academic, social and commercial sources. The main cause of
this
issue is the high expectations set by
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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and
parents
.
However
, the reliable solution would be promoting a balanced approach to education, emphasizing the importance of well-being over academic success. The major justification
of
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for
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facing
with
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apply
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academic pressure is the superior
waitings
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waiting
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of the relatives and tutors. The competitive nature of education systems forces youngsters to perform well in exams to secure a bright future.
Additionally
, the abundance of extracurricular activities and the need to excel in multiple areas
further
intensifies the pressure.
For instance
,
Ministry
Correct article usage
the Ministry
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of Education mentioned that many
parents
of Kazakhstan , approximately 60-70% expect their offspring to achieve top grades and get into prestigious universities, often comparing them to their peers or siblings. To reduce these pressures,
centre
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the centre
a centre
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of learning and family should advocate for a balanced educational approach, prioritizing well-being over academic achievement. It means that
juvenile's
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the juvenile's
show examples
brain should relax from the tasks and from the pressure and
parents
have to support their kid's opinion.
For example
, schools can implement policies that limit homework and encourage more creative activities, which help reduce academic stress.
Parents
should foster an open dialogue with their teenagers, allowing them to express their concerns and providing emotional support. In conclusion, the primary reason
of
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for
show examples
the problem is the great hopes established by the academy and
parents
but by implementing these measures,
such
as balancing academic demands and fostering open communication, the pressures on adolescents from academic, social, and commercial sources can be significantly reduced
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task achievement
Clarify the link between high expectations and academic pressure in the introduction for a stronger thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the coherence of the essay by improving transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
introduction conclusion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which framed the essay well.
supported main points
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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • globalized world
  • competitive education system
  • social media influences
  • cyberbullying
  • commercial pressures
  • aggressive marketing
  • materialistic desires
  • peer pressure
  • high expectations
  • standardized testing
  • quantifiable performance
  • stress and anxiety
  • extracurricular achievements
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