IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The advent of the internet has made it possible for people to work from home. Write an essay looking at the advantages and disadvantages of this professional arrangement. Share personal examples in your essay.

#advent #internet #people #work #home #arrangement
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The internet plays an important role in our modern life.
This
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 advanced technology made it possible for workers to do
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 for international companies remotely.
This
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 advancement has brought more benefits
as well as
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 some demerits that will be discussed in
this
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 essay with my own examples.
This
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 arrival of the internet brings more benefits to both employers and employees. The most obvious benefit is that any employer can access skilled employees from overseas who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the perfect fit for
their
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the
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 position they are looking for.
For instance
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, more than 70% of the IT sectors are hiring their workers out of the country which allows them to
work
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 from home. At the same time,
this
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 saves their time which allows the overseas labourers to
work
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 for multiple companies that give ultimate benefits for both the owners and their associates.
However
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,
this
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 improvement in cyberspace made so many people lazy and introverted
that
Correct word choice
apply
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affecting their social interactions with people in conversations.
For instance
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, a good friend of mine got a great opportunity to
work
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 for a multinational company from his home
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 made him concentrate more on
work
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 than leading a social life, which made him feel alone.
Finally
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, the net has brought many mental health issues to an individual who
Use synonyms
work
Change the verb form
works
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 alone in a private space
on
Change preposition
in
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 their desired location. In Conclusion, even
though
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apply
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the positive side will help in improving the company's finances by selecting talented workers and allowing the public to do multiple tasks.
Besides
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 that on the negative side, I can see that it makes the person more introverted and affects the person's mental health.
Therefore
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, the advancement of the net that pulled people to do remote
work
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 has both advantages and disadvantages.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating a bit more on the examples provided to make them more specific and relevant. Also, try to balance the discussion of advantages and disadvantages more evenly; you could add more points to each side.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and using linking words more effectively to improve the flow of your essay. For instance, using transitions like 'on the other hand,' 'furthermore,' and 'consequently' can help enhance coherence.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the discussion well.
complete response
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced approach to the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your writing contains relevant points, and the ideas are clearly presented.
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