Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
The utilization of smartphones by
kids
has been debatable nowadays. People have been contending which one is the right decision. Some of them think that it could increase children
's intelligence, but others argue the contrary. This
essay will explain why young people love to spend their time on their gadgets and the explanation why it habit is such
a negative development for them.
Using smart technology through a phone
selular
has been a habit nowadays. The recent Correct your spelling
cellular
phone
provides high technological features for people could access lots of applications, such
as social media, games, videos, and many more. That is
the reason why most of
Change preposition
apply
children
love to seclude themselves with their handphone
. Many parents allow their Fix the agreement mistake
handphones
children
to consume smartphone
because they Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
are argue
that Change the verb form
argue
children
can learn fast through visualization media. There are lots of educational applications or Youtube
channels for Correct your spelling
YouTube
children
. For example
, the
Kinderflix is one of the educational Correct article usage
apply
channel
for Change to a plural noun
channels
children
under 5 years old. Kinderflix made an
attractive and interactive videos so many Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
children
interested
Add a missing verb
were interested
to watch
them. Many parents Change preposition
in watching
also
consider that they got some assistance to teach their children
just through give
them Change preposition
by giving
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
video
.
Even though there is a benefit of giving Fix the agreement mistake
videos
children
smartphones, there is research
on why it would make a negative development to
the Change preposition
for
kids
. The Harvard Children
Change noun form
Children's
research centre
Correct your spelling
Research Centre
made
Verb problem
conducted
a studies
about Correct the article-noun agreement
a study
studies
a
Correct article usage
apply
smartphone
impact Change noun form
smartphone's
to
Change preposition
on
children
and the research
proves that mobile phone
has made an addiction to Fix the agreement mistake
phones
the
Correct article usage
apply
kids
and build a negative personality for them. When the kids
are avoided
Wrong verb form
avoid
to
the Change preposition
apply
phone
, they would be
ruffling and uncontrollable. Wrong verb form
are
Moreover
, spending time with smartphone
for hours is proven Add an article
a smartphone
give
a significant impact on Verb problem
to have
children
social Change noun form
children's
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
For instance
, a kid that got
Verb problem
has
addiction
to his Add an article
an addiction
phone
, they
would prefer to spend his Correct pronoun usage
apply
freetime
to Correct your spelling
free
play
a game or social media rather than playing outdoor Wrong verb form
playing
activity
with his friends. It makes that kid difficult to get Fix the agreement mistake
activities
along with
others and if it is allowed, then
it would give
a bad impact on their personal and working life.
In conclusion, Verb problem
have
along with
technological appliances in the world, smartphone
provides various features that make attraction to Add an article
the smartphone
children
including educational purpose
. Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
However
, using cell phone
for hours are proven by Fix the agreement mistake
phones
research
could obtain
an addiction and bring a negative development to their social life.Verb problem
cause
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task achievement
Although the essay provides a clear argument, try to stay consistent with the terminology. For example, instead of jumping between 'phone selular,' 'gadget,' 'handphone,' and 'mobile phone,' choose one term and stick with it.
task achievement
Ensure that all key points are sufficiently developed and supported. For example, while you mention that parents allow smartphone use due to educational content, more specific examples or data supporting the efficiency of such apps are needed.
coherence cohesion
Use connectors and transitions more effectively to ensure smooth flow between the paragraphs and ideas. For instance, transitions like 'However,' 'Moreover,' and 'For instance,' should be better integrated.
coherence cohesion
Enhance paragraph structure by keeping a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences. Avoid overly general statements and strive for more precise language.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure includes a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through the argument.
task achievement
The topic is well understood, and there is a clear attempt to present both sides of the argument.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?