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Band 4

There is a trend of increasing amounts of consumer goods, which leads to environmental problems. What are the reasons for this trend? Give your own opinion and solutions.

#trend #amounts #consumer #goods
A consumer is a person who buys and uses an item.
This
 essay will outline the reasons for the rising amounts of consumer goods and solutions to control it. On the
first
Correct word choice
other
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 hand , there are many reasons for
this
 problem.
To begin
 with , these days everybody uses social media for at least one hour a day ,
this
 leads us to be consumers because of the demands of social media.
For example
 , influencers have a huge effect on their followers ,because many people subscribe to these influencers.
Secondly
 , the nature
human
Change preposition
of human
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 beings is to consume which leads us to use items we do not need .The capitalist
system
 plays a big role in
this
,
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apply
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because the
system
 depends on raising money through dealers selling more consumer goods and an increase of consumers.
Thirdly
 as populations get higher every year like in Kuwait in 2020 there was a one million population..
However
Add a comma
However,
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 in
2021
Add a comma
2021,
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 it increased to a million and a half.
On the other hand
, there are many solutions. One solution is to raise awareness on how to reduce the use of social media . we can do that through newspapers ,magazines and TV.
Also
Add a comma
,
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another solution would be to educate people on better consumerism. We could switch the capitalist
system
 to a Socialist
system
 because it would decrease consumerism. In conclusion, the buck stops with individuals like ourselves
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Submitted by kiwawtytime99 on

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task achievement
In your essay, make sure to clarify your points more distinctly. Some arguments can be more precise and should be supported by additional relevant examples.
task achievement
Try to develop your points in more detail to show a clear, comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Pay more attention to supporting your main points with specific examples. This is important for providing a complete response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression of ideas. While your essay has a good structure, some paragraphs could be better connected, and transitions between ideas need to be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by organizing your arguments more clearly. Introducing separate paragraphs for different points could help in this regard.
coherence cohesion
Try to expand on your introduction and conclusion sections to fully encapsulate the essence of your arguments and summarize your viewpoints effectively.
coherence cohesion
You might want to include more detailed examples and explanations to support your main points; this will improve the strength and clarity of your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly addresses the topic and outlines what the essay will cover.
complete response
You have made a good effort to provide solutions to the problem discussed.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion ties back to the main points you have discussed, providing a satisfactory ending to the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
The main points are identified and addressed, which shows good understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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