It is unacceptable that people who work in certain professions,eg.finance,media, entertainment and sport,are paid such high salaries while others, who do more important jobs in society,are underpaid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Have you ever thought about why
people
get paid massive income
in Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
diffrent
professions Correct your spelling
different
such
as finance,media,entertainment and sport
? It is often argued that others Fix the agreement mistake
sports
wgo
do more important jobs in Correct your spelling
who
comunity
are underpaid.Correct your spelling
community
This
essay will discuss both views and will provide a logical conclusion.
To begin
with, First of all, Nowadays, the supporter
claim that there are many reasons to get high Fix the agreement mistake
supporters
wage
for those Fix the agreement mistake
wages
people
who are doing professions,eg.finance,media, entertainment and sport. Moreover
, it is beneficial for the countries
growth Change noun form
country's
countries'
such
as doing advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
of
historical places. Change preposition
for
Further more
, Correct your spelling
Furthermore
people
when
travel abroad would love to discover their Correct word choice
who
tradition
and where the countries started from Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
also
what history Correct word choice
and also
did
they made during Unnecessary verb
apply
old
days. Correct article usage
the old
For example
, if there is no social media there will be no life. In addition
, whenever people
travel abord
the first thing they do is Correct your spelling
abroad
looking
on the internet where is the trending places to go rooming. To add more, no one will look after your health and diet what to eat that’s why there is a sports coach to guide Wrong verb form
look
people
to stay healthy and fit to live longer.
On the other hand
, the opponents believe that others work
should be paid high-salary for many reasons. Verb problem
apply
Firstly
, teaching at high school is one of the main important role
in life for Fix the agreement mistake
roles
Younge
Correct your spelling
young
people
to grow and educate to be a
future Correct article usage
apply
leader
in many different Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
major
. As long asChange to a plural noun
majors
,
the teachers stay all day in Remove the comma
apply
educating
Replace the word
education
centers
or classrooms the will Change the spelling
centres
effect
their time with their families. Correct your spelling
affect
For example
, if the father going to work and do
not have time to educate their own Correct subject-verb agreement
does
children’s
who will? Change noun form
children
doubtless
the teachers will do.
Add a comma
doubtless,
To sum up
, I strongly agree because
with the supporters since the salaries Correct word choice
apply
is
paid more to Change the verb form
are
Add an article
a coach
the coach
coach
who Fix the agreement mistake
coaches
train
and Change the verb form
trains
make
you stay fit.Change the verb form
makes
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task response
Ensure all parts of the question are addressed thoroughly. Your discussion should deeply delve into why certain professions are more highly paid and why other, arguably more important, professions are underpaid. More detailed and balanced arguments could enhance your response.
coherence
Pay attention to logical structuring. Your essay should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs that flow logically from one idea to the next, and a concise conclusion that summarises your points. Each paragraph should cover a single idea, and transitional phrases should be used to link ideas smoothly.
supporting details
Support your main points with more relevant and specific examples. By illustrating your points with real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios, you can make your arguments more convincing. For instance, provide more concrete examples of the disparities in salaries between different professions and their societal impacts.
task response
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
coherence
The overall structure of the essay—introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion—is present, which provides a clear framework.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?