IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.

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Technologies have changed from
time
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 to
time
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; in
curremt
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current
 days technologies have taken
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 advanced and fundamental place in the globe.
New
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The new
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 generation
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 children spend their leisure
time
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on
Change preposition
apply
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learning new things or
to dicover
Verb problem
apply
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solutions
of
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to
show examples
 problems, and some of them use it to play games
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their free
time
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. Today I am going
explain
Fix the infinitive
to explain
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 and give examples,
why
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of why
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 the advantages of
this
Linking Words
 outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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. First of all, the advantages of
optaining
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obtaining
 new
technology
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 very important in daily life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, most
people
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 use the new
technology
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 to make life easier.
For example
Linking Words
, if you want to buy do grocery you can order
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 by clicking on one
botton
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button
 only,
it's
Unnecessary verb
it
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save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
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your
Correct pronoun usage
you
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planty
Correct your spelling
plenty
 of
time
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.
In other
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words
Add a comma
words,
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 you can do shopping online
,
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apply
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while
Linking Words
 sitting at home. Second
of
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apply
show examples
all, most
people
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 use
technology
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 for educational
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
,
For instance
Linking Words
, the government
place
Wrong verb form
placed
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new
Add an article
a new
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rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
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 to avoid spending
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on papers
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papers
Fix the agreement mistake
paper
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,
for
Correct word choice
and for
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these reason
Change the determiner
this reason
these reasons
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 the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
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provided
Wrong verb form
provide
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 computers and laptops to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governemnt
Correct your spelling
government
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
,colleges and universities.
IOn
Correct your spelling
On
 the other hand there are some disadvantages of
techologies
Correct your spelling
technology
, where many
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
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 getting divert
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
a negitive
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negitive
Correct your spelling
negative
 way, and paying lack
of
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apply
show examples
attention
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their studies.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the advantages
outeigh
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the disadvantages because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 many privileges.
In addition
Linking Words
, nowadays, the studies are exorbitant; and many
people
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cant
Correct your spelling
can't
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 pay the education fees.
Such
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 as, now anyone can educate him or
her self
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herself
show examples
 by learning online with the
technology
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. In conclusion, as per my
knowlege
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knowledge
 and
experiance
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experience
; there are many
people
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love
Correct pronoun usage
who love
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 to learn and gain new information, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
technology
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 made that possible today. The huge companies
gives
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give
show examples
apportunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to those who
knew
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
 about
technology
Use synonyms
.

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grammar and spelling
Work on eliminating grammatical and spelling errors such as, 'curremt', 'dicover', 'In conclusion, as per my knowlege and experiance; there are many people love to learn and gain new information, and the new technology made that possible today.', 'negitive', 'outeigh'. Enhanced sentence construction will lead to more coherence.
examples
There is a need to expand on relevant specific examples. Most points remain general and aren't supported by detailed examples. Adding more specific examples can make your arguments more persuasive.
structure
Try to make your logical structure smoother and more coherent. The flow of your ideas is somewhat fragmented. Ensure that one idea naturally leads into the next, and avoid abrupt shifts in topics.
conclusion
Your conclusion is present but could be stronger. Make sure it succinctly summarizes the main points of your essay and reinforces the idea that the advantages of new technologies outweigh the disadvantages.
stance
You have provided a clear stance that the advantages of new technologies outweigh the disadvantages, which delivers a complete response to the essay prompt.
points
You've touched on significant points like educational benefits, time-saving aspects, and online shopping convenience, which are relevant to the discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Accessibility
  • Enhanced learning opportunities
  • Deepen their understanding
  • Confines of the classroom
  • Cognitive development
  • Strategic thinking
  • Reduced face-to-face interaction
  • Hinder social skills development
  • Excessive screen time
  • Physical well-being
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Internet safety
  • Critical thinking
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