IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia´s share of the Japanese tourist markey. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia´s share of the Japanese tourist markey. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#show #japanese #tourists #australia´s #tourist #markey #summerise #information #features #comparisons
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Firstly
Linking Words
, I am going to make a comparison to the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995. I would like to start by comparing the first 5
years
Use synonyms
 from what I can see the numbers are getting higher not a single drop in the first five
years
Use synonyms
 it is like there is a
pattern
Use synonyms
. In the
last
Linking Words
 5
years
Use synonyms
, it has been different you may wonder how? will in 1990 it was around twelve million tourists but in 1991 there is a sudden drop it is like the
pattern
Use synonyms
 stopped
then
Linking Words
 it went up again in 1992 but it stayed almost the same in 1993
hence
Linking Words
, in 1994 it rose again and in 1995 it was the highest year of them all.
Lastly
Linking Words
, to sum everything up the highest year in numbers was 1995 and the lowest was 1985, the first five
years
Use synonyms
 had the same
pattern
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 but the
last
Linking Words
 five
years
Use synonyms
 were shifting and had no
pattern
Use synonyms
 at all.
Submitted by alaanoudaltammaami on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, pattern with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
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