IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

the city council has sent you a letter asking for suggestions to improve the banking system in your neighborhood. Write them a letter. Propose a few things to do Tell them about an efficient bank service in another country Say what your future expectations of the banking service are

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Dear city council, I am writing, at your request, to make a few practical suggestions about the banking system. I am a resident of Jay. street I use
this
Linking Words
 bank service on a weekly basis. Unfortunately, the bank is usually crowded and there is not adequate space for customers to sit. It would be a good idea to add more convenient seats on the first floor.
Also
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, there have been some problems with regard to customer service. Sometimes when people want to use the ATM they could have some questions, but the staff treat them indifferently. I suggest that the staff undergo some training to learn some work principles. An example of a successful bank service is Sweden, which has advanced facilities to make their customers satisfied,
for example
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, they have well-trained staff.
Moreover
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, The ATM has an option that tells people the exact instructors. I trust you take my modest proposal into consideration, and make the changes at your earliest convenience. Yours faithfully, Sara Rezaei

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific details about the example of the banking service from Sweden, such as the technology they use or specific practices that make their customer service efficient.
task achievement
Try to provide a more detailed future expectation, discussing how the proposed changes could impact the neighborhood's banking system long-term.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between different aspects of your suggestions to maintain coherence.
greeting and closing
The letter opens and closes with appropriate formal greetings and sign-offs.
logical structure
Ideas are logically structured, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
suitable writing tone
The writing tone is formal yet polite, which is suitable for addressing the city council.
single idea per paragraph
Each paragraph presents a single idea, making it easy to follow and understand.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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