Being a celebrity such a famous film star or sports personality brings problems as well as benefits Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

#celebrity #film #star #sports #personality

In many

population

Change to a plural noun

populations

show examples

, some girls and boys want to be a

star

celebrity

in their countries. A

celebrity

is a person

Correct your spelling

who

show examples

is famous in different

way

Fix the agreement mistake

ways

show examples

such

film or sports

star

Then

, some

people

suggest that Being a

celebrity

brings problems. For

others

Correct quantifier usage

other

show examples

people

Correct pronoun usage

there

show examples

exist

much

Change the quantifier

many

show examples

benefits to become

star

Add an article

a star

show examples

in the

country

. In my opinion,

to be

Change the verb form

being

show examples

celebrity

causes benefits and problems

Change preposition

show examples

the same time. In

this

context, it is beneficial to be a

star

in your

country

for these reasons.

Firstly

, a

star

influences the other

member

Fix the agreement mistake

members

show examples

in the same

country

and helps them to be more active in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society.

Such

many

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

stars

orient

Verb problem

encourage

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

to help other poor

people

in the same

country

and suggest

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

way

Fix the agreement mistake

ways

show examples

to realise

this

Secondly

, the

star

is a

way

to help

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

commercial and

indistrual

Correct your spelling

industrial

companies to buy their

products

and services.

Also

this

help is a source of revenue

Change preposition

for

show examples

the

star

. These companies

pays

Change the verb form

pay

show examples

much Money to

this

star

for

Change preposition

show examples

become a source of advertising for their

products

and services.

Such many

Correct word choice

Many

show examples

company pays

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a famous pop music

star

for

Change preposition

show examples

use their

products

and

advice

Replace the word

advise

show examples

these

products

to customers. The pop music

star

SHAKIRA

suggest

Correct subject-verb agreement

suggests

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

dring

Verb problem

driving

show examples

Coca Cola.

However

, being a

celebrity

brings problems. Indeed,

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

criminal

personnes

Correct your spelling

people

kill these

stars

for having their money

such

many

crime

Fix the agreement mistake

crimes

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

about

stars

Besides

, the

star

will not have the freedom to live

with

Change preposition

show examples

her own

way

Such

celebrity

RONALDO visit the market stores or restaurants with

bodyguard

Fix the agreement mistake

bodyguards

show examples

. In sum, the life of

stars

is dangerous and fabulous

Change preposition

show examples

the same time.

Submitted by rabebhamdi on Wed Jul 24 2024

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grammar

Try to proofread your essay for grammatical errors and typos. For instance, 'ho' should be 'who' and 'it exist much benefits' should be 'there exist many benefits.'

coherence

Improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs will help the reader follow your argument more easily. You can use linking words like 'therefore,' 'furthermore,' and 'moreover.'

task response

Provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. For instance, instead of just mentioning Shakira and Coca-Cola, you could provide examples from various fields, like acting or politics.

coherence

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, a body, and a conclusion.

task response

The examples provided, such as Shakira endorsing Coca-Cola and Ronaldo needing bodyguards, are relevant to the topic.

task response

The essay addresses both benefits and problems of being a celebrity, showcasing a balanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

272 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
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Topic Vocabulary:

Public scrutiny
Intrusive
Endorsements
Sponsorships
Financial security
High-profile collaborations
Social influence
Philanthropic efforts
Trust issues
Mental health challenges
Substance abuse
Pressures of celebrity
Expectations
Disconnect from reality
Normalcy

What to do next:

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Being a celebrity such a famous film star or sports personality brings problems as well as benefits Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

An increasing number of larger shopping areas, malls and department stores are leading to the decline of smaller corner shops. what are the advantages and disadvantages of shopping in larger shopping centers rather than smaller, more traditional shops?

In many countries import food from other contry of the world.what are the advantages and disadvantages of this kasur.

Education is not a luxury, but a basic human right and as such should be free for everyone irrespective of personal wealth. Do you agree or disagree?