Being a celebrity such a famous film star or sports personality brings problems as well as benefits Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

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Introduction

In many

population

Change to a plural noun

populations

show examples

, some girls and boys want to be a

star

Use synonyms

celebrity

Use synonyms

in their countries. A

celebrity

Use synonyms

is a person

Correct your spelling

who

show examples

is famous in different

Use synonyms

way

Fix the agreement mistake

ways

show examples

such

Linking Words

film or sports

star

Use synonyms

Then

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

suggest that Being a

celebrity

Use synonyms

brings problems. For

others

Correct quantifier usage

other

show examples

people

Use synonyms

Correct pronoun usage

there

show examples

exist

much

Change the quantifier

many

show examples

benefits to become

Use synonyms

star

Add an article

a star

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in the

country

Use synonyms

. In my opinion,

to be

Change the verb form

being

show examples

celebrity

Use synonyms

causes benefits and problems

Change preposition

show examples

the same time.

Body paragraph 1

this

Linking Words

context, it is beneficial to be a

star

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in your

country

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for these reasons.

Firstly

Linking Words

, a

star

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influences the other

member

Fix the agreement mistake

members

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in the same

country

Use synonyms

and helps them to be more active in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society.

Such

Linking Words

many

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

stars

Use synonyms

orient

Verb problem

encourage

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

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to help other poor

people

Use synonyms

in the same

country

Use synonyms

and suggest

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Use synonyms

way

Fix the agreement mistake

ways

show examples

to realise

this

Linking Words

Body paragraph 2

Secondly

Linking Words

, the

star

Use synonyms

is a

way

Use synonyms

to help

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

commercial and

indistrual

Correct your spelling

industrial

companies to buy their

products

Use synonyms

and services.

Also

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

help is a source of revenue

Change preposition

for

show examples

the

star

Use synonyms

. These companies

pays

Change the verb form

pay

show examples

much Money to

this

Linking Words

star

Use synonyms

for

Change preposition

show examples

become a source of advertising for their

products

Use synonyms

and services.

Linking Words

Such many

Correct word choice

Many

show examples

company pays

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a famous pop music

star

Use synonyms

for

Change preposition

show examples

use their

products

Use synonyms

and

advice

Replace the word

advise

show examples

these

products

Use synonyms

to customers. The pop music

star

Use synonyms

SHAKIRA

suggest

Correct subject-verb agreement

suggests

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

dring

Verb problem

driving

show examples

Coca Cola.

Body paragraph 3

However

Linking Words

, being a

celebrity

Use synonyms

brings problems. Indeed,

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

criminal

personnes

Correct your spelling

people

kill these

stars

Use synonyms

for having their money

such

Linking Words

many

crime

Fix the agreement mistake

crimes

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

about

stars

Use synonyms

Besides

Linking Words

, the

star

Use synonyms

will not have the freedom to live

with

Change preposition

show examples

her own

way

Use synonyms

Such

Linking Words

celebrity

Use synonyms

RONALDO visit the market stores or restaurants with

bodyguard

Fix the agreement mistake

bodyguards

show examples

Conclusion

In sum, the life of

stars

Use synonyms

is dangerous and fabulous

Change preposition

show examples

the same time.

rabebhamdi

Jul 24, 2024

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grammar

Try to proofread your essay for grammatical errors and typos. For instance, 'ho' should be 'who' and 'it exist much benefits' should be 'there exist many benefits.'

coherence

Improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs will help the reader follow your argument more easily. You can use linking words like 'therefore,' 'furthermore,' and 'moreover.'

task response

Provide more specific and varied examples to support your points. For instance, instead of just mentioning Shakira and Coca-Cola, you could provide examples from various fields, like acting or politics.

coherence

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, a body, and a conclusion.

task response

The examples provided, such as Shakira endorsing Coca-Cola and Ronaldo needing bodyguards, are relevant to the topic.

task response

The essay addresses both benefits and problems of being a celebrity, showcasing a balanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

272 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Public scrutiny
Intrusive
Endorsements
Sponsorships
Financial security
High-profile collaborations
Social influence
Philanthropic efforts
Trust issues
Mental health challenges
Substance abuse
Pressures of celebrity
Expectations
Disconnect from reality
Normalcy

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Being a celebrity such a famous film star or sports personality brings problems as well as benefits Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Your workplace does not have a parking area for cars, and it is causing some problems. Write a letter to your manager and include the following: – Describe the problems it has caused. – Explain what benefits a parking area would bring to the company. – Suggest a solution.

Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is this? Is it a positive or negative development?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risk outweigh the disadvantages ?

it is more important to spend public money on primoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?