Some people believe that young people bring more profit to the company. Others says that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The idea of increasing the profits is a crucial and controversial matter. Some folks believe the young people
is
the best. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
While
other
prefer the older. In Fix the agreement mistake
others
this
essay
I shall elaborate Add a comma
essay,
the
different Change preposition
on the
type
of Fix the agreement mistake
types
view
.
Fix the agreement mistake
views
To begin
with , young groups
,generally speaking , power and durability have been accumulated potentially with this
range. Hence
, the physical capacity of the youth is much higher the other elderly ,therefore
; the ability to work
is speeder
and Correct your spelling
speedier
alot
of Correct your spelling
a lot
mission
could be done in a short time. Fix the agreement mistake
missions
It is clear that
the percentage of the increasing profit , for example
: Data analysis reveal
the higher level of Correct subject-verb agreement
reveals
work
performance done via the youngest groups
.
On the other hand
, one of the factors for increasing the criteria of the work
success is the is the
experience Remove the redundancy
apply
thus
, the previous people have much information to dealing with the tasks, furthermore
; the knowledge and the wisdome
which are they having , as the result of the hormonal stability and the accuracy in thinking. Correct your spelling
wisdom
According to
my opinion I wholeheartedly concur with the diversity of age groups
, I believe in the
Correct article usage
apply
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
work
, the
basic rule for Correct word choice
and the
produce
Change the verb form
producing
an
excellent Remove the article
apply
work
is the skills and the experiences which are found in different ages .
To sum it up, aging
is not an Change the spelling
ageing
obstruct
Replace the word
obstruction
in
Change preposition
to
sucsses
procedure, Correct your spelling
success
however
, the two groups
are indicated for
complete the task. Either the young or the old Change preposition
to
overall
they are representing the brain and the hand, thus
, the brain is representing the old while
the hand for doing the duty is the young.Submitted by sarah.baghdad20 on
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Grammar
Improve your grammatical accuracy as there are several errors throughout the essay. This will help in expressing ideas more clearly and professionally.
Support
Provide more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your argument. This makes your points more convincing and relevant.
Vocabulary Usage
Try to avoid repetition of ideas and words, as seen in phrases like "the physical capacity of the youth" and "the experience thus, the previous people." Instead, use synonyms or rephrase to enhance readability.
Structure
The essay includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which provides a clear structure.
Balanced Viewpoint
You have addressed both views, which showcases a balanced analysis.
Engagement
The essay demonstrates a genuine attempt to tackle the topic and explore different perspectives. Your opinion is clearly stated as well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.