IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that young people bring more profit to the company. Others says that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #profit #company #profits
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The idea of increasing the profits is a crucial and controversial matter. Some folks believe the young people
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the best.
While
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 prefer the older. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I shall elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
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 different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
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.
To begin
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 with , young
groups
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 ,generally speaking , power and durability have been accumulated potentially with
this
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 range.
Hence
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, the physical capacity of the youth is much higher the other elderly ,
therefore
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; the ability to
work
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 is
speeder
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speedier
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 and
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
mission
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missions
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 could be done in a short time.
It is clear that
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 the percentage of the increasing profit ,
for example
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: Data analysis
reveal
Correct subject-verb agreement
reveals
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 the higher level of
work
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 performance done via the youngest
groups
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.
On the other hand
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, one of the factors for increasing the criteria of the
work
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 success is the
is the
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apply
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experience
thus
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, the previous people have much information to dealing with the tasks,
furthermore
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; the knowledge and the
wisdome
Correct your spelling
wisdom
 which are they having , as the result of the hormonal stability and the accuracy in thinking.
According to
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 my opinion I wholeheartedly concur with the diversity of age
groups
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, I believe in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
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work
Use synonyms
 ,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 basic rule for
produce
Change the verb form
producing
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an
Remove the article
apply
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excellent
work
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 is the skills and the experiences which are found in different ages . To sum it up,
aging
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ageing
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 is not an
obstruct
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obstruction
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in
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to
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sucsses
Correct your spelling
success
 procedure,
however
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, the two
groups
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 are indicated
for
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to
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 complete the task. Either the young or the old
overall
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 they are representing the brain and the hand,
thus
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, the brain is representing the old
while
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 the hand for doing the duty is the young.
Submitted by sarah.baghdad20 on

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Grammar
Improve your grammatical accuracy as there are several errors throughout the essay. This will help in expressing ideas more clearly and professionally.
Support
Provide more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your argument. This makes your points more convincing and relevant.
Vocabulary Usage
Try to avoid repetition of ideas and words, as seen in phrases like "the physical capacity of the youth" and "the experience thus, the previous people." Instead, use synonyms or rephrase to enhance readability.
Structure
The essay includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which provides a clear structure.
Balanced Viewpoint
You have addressed both views, which showcases a balanced analysis.
Engagement
The essay demonstrates a genuine attempt to tackle the topic and explore different perspectives. Your opinion is clearly stated as well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Adaptable
  • Innovations
  • Breakthroughs
  • Deep industry knowledge
  • Mentors
  • Fostering
  • Workforce balance
  • Maximizing profits
  • Enthusiasm
  • Wisdom
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