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Band 5

The way that people work today has changed significantly due to the development of technology. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of these changes.

#people #work #development #technology #changes
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The prevalence of the
cutting-edge-
Correct your spelling
technology
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technology
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 has caused a wide range of changes in the way of working, leading to the constant communication and sharing of knowledge across the world.
This
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 transformation
then
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 offers several opportunities to individuals for both personal and professional growth,
while
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 it exerts
the
Correct article usage
a
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 significant influence on our society negatively. The advancement in
technology
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 fuels several shifts,
thus
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 it is crucial to delve deeply into its benefits and drawbacks.
Firstly
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, regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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advantages, individuals benefit from personal and professional development with high numbers of chances to work with overseas companies. The environment to work with workers from different backgrounds online, thanks to the high advancement in
technology
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,
help
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helps
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people
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 acquire various abilities
such
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 as communication and problem-solving skills,
along with
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 broadening their perspective and understanding
about
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of
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 the world.
For example
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,
according to
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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research conducted by a Korean
insititution
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institution
institutions
,
people
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 become more appreciative of diversity and embraced the differences in cultures compared to those 10 years ago.
This
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 result clearly demonstrates the impact of advanced
technology
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 on individuals’
overall
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 growth.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 trend
make
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makes
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people
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 who cannot acquire digital literacy and the accessibility of
Internet
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the Internet
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 be isolated significantly. The ability to
obtaining
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obtain
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 those gives rise to a huge gulf among
people
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, leading to the disparity in
the
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apply
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knowledge and wealth.
According to
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 the same research, the gap
of
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in
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the
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apply
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income between
people
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 who have
this
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 ability and those who don’t have
,
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apply
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 has sharply increased to 30% in 2019.
This
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 shows that the development of
technology
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 accelerated
immerse
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apply
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inequality among
people
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. In conclusion,
while
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 the advance of
technology
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 leads to numerous advantages for our growth, it
also
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 causes
notable
Add an article
a notable
the notable
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 gap between
people
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 who can keep up with
this
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 change
or
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and
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 not
Submitted by jb22809467 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph addresses a single main point clearly. This will improve the logical structure and make your argumentation stronger.
task achievement
Double-check grammatical structures and vocabulary usage to avoid small errors that might distract the reader.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for discussing both advantages and disadvantages. Well done!
relevant specific examples
You have used a relevant specific example to support your points. This enhances the credibility of your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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