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Band 4.5

People in all modern societies use drugs, but today’s youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasing early stage. Discuss the causes and some effects of the widespread drug use by young people. Give some recommendations that can be implemented.

#people #societies #drugs #today’s #youth #stage #effects #drug #recommendations
In modern societies, there are many youths that
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
drugs
, either legal or illegal and
this
 issue
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 from
time
 to
time
.
This
 has negative impacts for young generations because they are
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 of the nation. There are some reasons why
this
 problem can happen,
such
 as there is no
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adequate education or socializing about the danger of
drugs
. Definitely, by consuming
drugs
,
youth
 have
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
 to die. First of all, the biggest causes that make
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation use
drugs
 because they are not aware of the bad sides and do not know how to escape if they already too rely on
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
drugs
Fix the agreement mistake
drug
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
addiction. The government has failed to educate their
youth
 to not consume
drugs
. Since
youth
 do not know
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
informations
Correct your spelling
information
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 it, they can not differentiate which
drugs
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they can consume and
they
Correct pronoun usage
which they
show examples
 can not.
For example
, they consume some
drugs
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 tackle their headache or insomnia. But, they continuously consume it. So, the
drugs
 can
recovery
Replace the word
recover
show examples
 their ache in
temporary
Correct article usage
a temporary
show examples
time
 and the government just
socialize
Correct subject-verb agreement
socializes
show examples
 the danger of
drugs
 occasionally. Obviously,
this
 problem
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 several effects.
Firstly
,
youth
 will feel addicted to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drugs
.
Then
, they use it for a long
time
. Before their condition
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 worse, there are some changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their body and
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
. To illustrate, they will get tired easily, their face will look so pale, they do not have
energy
Change the article
the energy
show examples
 to do anything, etc. Eventually, the worst case is they will die if they do not seek help to get out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
drugs
.
To conclude
,
this
 case is dangerous. By knowing the reasons, the government can reflect on it and try to find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
solutions. Not only that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 the effects will help
youth
 to decrease the consumption of
drugs
. Still, I highly recommend to
youth
 to use
receipt
Fix the agreement mistake
receipts
show examples
 from the doctor if they want to eat legal
drugs
.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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Logical Structure
Consider organizing your paragraphs more effectively by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
Relevant Specific Examples
Expand your examples and use more specific instances to support your main points. This will enhance the depth and relevance of your argument.
Introduction and Conclusion Present
Work on providing a clearer conclusion that explicitly summarizes your main points and repeats your stance on the issue. This will strengthen your conclusion and coherence.
Complete Response
Your essay addresses all parts of the task by discussing causes, effects, and providing recommendations.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
You've included some valid ideas and points about the dangers of drug use and its impact on youth.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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