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Band 4.5

People in all modern societies use drugs, but today’s youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasing early stage. Discuss the causes and some effects of the widespread drug use by young people. Give some recommendations that can be implemented.

#people #societies #drugs #today’s #youth #stage #effects #drug #recommendations
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In modern societies, there are many youths that
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
drugs
Use synonyms
, either legal or illegal and
this
Linking Words
 issue
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 from
time
Use synonyms
 to
time
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 has negative impacts for young generations because they are
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 of the nation. There are some reasons why
this
Linking Words
 problem can happen,
such
Linking Words
 as there is no
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adequate education or socializing about the danger of
drugs
Use synonyms
. Definitely, by consuming
drugs
Use synonyms
,
youth
Use synonyms
 have
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
 to die. First of all, the biggest causes that make
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation use
drugs
Use synonyms
 because they are not aware of the bad sides and do not know how to escape if they already too rely on
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
drugs
Fix the agreement mistake
drug
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
addiction. The government has failed to educate their
youth
Use synonyms
 to not consume
drugs
Use synonyms
. Since
youth
Use synonyms
 do not know
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
informations
Correct your spelling
information
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 it, they can not differentiate which
drugs
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they can consume and
they
Correct pronoun usage
which they
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 can not.
For example
Linking Words
, they consume some
drugs
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 tackle their headache or insomnia. But, they continuously consume it. So, the
drugs
Use synonyms
 can
recovery
Replace the word
recover
show examples
 their ache in
temporary
Correct article usage
a temporary
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and the government just
socialize
Correct subject-verb agreement
socializes
show examples
 the danger of
drugs
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 occasionally. Obviously,
this
Linking Words
 problem
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 several effects.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
youth
Use synonyms
 will feel addicted to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drugs
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, they use it for a long
time
Use synonyms
. Before their condition
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 worse, there are some changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their body and
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
. To illustrate, they will get tired easily, their face will look so pale, they do not have
energy
Change the article
the energy
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 to do anything, etc. Eventually, the worst case is they will die if they do not seek help to get out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
drugs
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 case is dangerous. By knowing the reasons, the government can reflect on it and try to find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
solutions. Not only that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 the effects will help
youth
Use synonyms
 to decrease the consumption of
drugs
Use synonyms
. Still, I highly recommend to
youth
Use synonyms
 to use
receipt
Fix the agreement mistake
receipts
show examples
 from the doctor if they want to eat legal
drugs
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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Logical Structure
Consider organizing your paragraphs more effectively by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
Relevant Specific Examples
Expand your examples and use more specific instances to support your main points. This will enhance the depth and relevance of your argument.
Introduction and Conclusion Present
Work on providing a clearer conclusion that explicitly summarizes your main points and repeats your stance on the issue. This will strengthen your conclusion and coherence.
Complete Response
Your essay addresses all parts of the task by discussing causes, effects, and providing recommendations.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
You've included some valid ideas and points about the dangers of drug use and its impact on youth.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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