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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below illustrates the process where bricks are made for the building industry. Summarie the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. The diagram below illustrates the process where bricks are made for the building industry. Summarie the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below illustrates the process where bricks are made for the building industry. Summarie the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. The diagram below illustrates the process where bricks are made for the building industry. Summarie the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#process #bricks #industry #summarie #information #features #comparisons
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The process diagram elaborates
the
Change preposition
on the
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 steps in the preparation of
clay
Use synonyms
bricks
Use synonyms
 at the industrial level.
Overall
Linking Words
, the total process involves seven steps, starting from the
clay
Use synonyms
 ( key material ) until the newly prepared
bricks
Use synonyms
 are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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distributed among the customers.
First,
Linking Words
the key ingredient, the
clay
Use synonyms
 is digged by large diggers .
Secondly
Linking Words
, those large
clay
Use synonyms
 chunks are crushed by rollers and a metal grid.
Then
Linking Words
, the fine
clay
Use synonyms
 particles are mixed with sand and water, before they are being
cutted
Correct your spelling
cut
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 by the use of moulds manually, or by wire cutters mechanically. After those wet raw
bricks
Use synonyms
 are dried inside drying ovens for about 1 to 2 days,
the next step is
Linking Words
 started.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
the next step
Linking Words
is occurred
Change to the active voice
occurs
has occurred
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 inside the kiln which has three steps.
Initially
Linking Words
, the
bricks
Use synonyms
 are moderately heated in
200
Correct article usage
the 200
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celcius
Change the capitalization
Celcius
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 to 980
celsius
Capitalize word
Celsius
show examples
 range. After that, the
bricks
Use synonyms
 are exposed to the high temperature of around 870
celsius
Capitalize word
Celsius
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 to 2300
celsius
Capitalize word
Celsius
show examples
 and
there-after
Correct your spelling
thereafter
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 they are directed to the cooling chamber where they are chilled for about 2 to 3 days.
Finally
Linking Words
, the baked
bricks
Use synonyms
 are packed nicely and delivered to the customers by using large lorries.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "the next step is".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words clay, bricks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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