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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#country #language
There is no denying the fact that moving to countries where speaking
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
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language
 can be a challenge.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that
people
 who live in
foreign
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a foreign
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 country
are needs
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need
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 to develop a second
language
 and it may cause
to
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them to
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facing
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face
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 crucial issues, there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that being in other nations and must speaking
by
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apply
show examples
their
language
represent
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represented
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as
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apply
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complex skills to learn
. .
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.
...
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To begin
 with, learning a native
language
 in foreign places could
be reduction
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reduce
show examples
 the work opportunities.
In
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On
show examples
Correct article usage
the others
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others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 hand,
people
 who newly moving will not be able to communicate with others easily where
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will impact negatively
on
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apply
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their incomes, as we know most
people
 who relocate from their hometown are aiming to
finds
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find
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a
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apply
show examples
better jobs.
In addition
, their children who are studying
mid school
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mid-school
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 can be
effects
Correct your spelling
affected
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 in unexpected
way
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ways
show examples
, as the children need to be learning
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
language
 as long as studying the subjects.
For example
, studies have shown
40
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that 40
show examples
% of children who relocate to new places
got
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get
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 culture and
language
 shock. Another point to consider is that elderly
people
 may have social
issue
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issues
show examples
 and not be able to integrate with the community. It is
also
 possible to say that some older persons have a
less
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lower
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 level of knowledge
compare
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compared
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for
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to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
where
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which
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it
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apply
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causes
to
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apply
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social
isolating
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isolation
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 and
culture
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cultural
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limitation
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limitations
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.
Moreover
, elder
people
 need to be engaging
on
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in
show examples
 social activities and events to avoid depression which the new
language
 could be
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an obstacles
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obstacles
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obstacle
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 to
involved
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involvement
show examples
 with communities.
For instance
, a case study
shown
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shows
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 that
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an Iraq
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Iraq
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Iraqi
show examples
 elder male moving to
United
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the United
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Statue
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States
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 is currently getting psychiatric treatment. In conclusion, despite
people
 having different views, I believe that
,
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apply
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 gaining
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 spoken
language
 could be considerable as a
problematic
Replace the word
problem
show examples
 for individuals.
Submitted by balqassab3 on

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coherence cohesion
To further enhance the clarity of your essay, ensure to use appropriate conjunctions and transition words to guide the reader through your points. This will help in making your arguments easier to follow.
task achievement
While your main ideas are relevant, providing more varied and specific examples will make your arguments stronger. Try incorporating real-life case studies or statistical data where possible to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Be sure to proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. This will enhance the readability and overall quality of your writing.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents a clear stance, which sets the stage for the rest of the essay.
supported main points
The main points you have raised are relevant and address the prompt effectively. You've also made a good attempt to provide examples to support your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • linguistic proficiency
  • cross-cultural communication
  • miscommunication
  • social integration
  • linguistic alienation
  • cultural dissonance
  • language acquisition
  • communication breakdown
  • interpreter services
  • language courses
  • bilingualism
  • multilingualism
  • language barrier
  • effective communication
  • cultural assimilation
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