Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Majority
of the states believe that Correct article usage
The majority
ecenomic
progress is the primary crucial outcome Correct your spelling
economic
whereas
other types of developments
are equally important. In Fix the agreement mistake
development
this
essay, I will discuss both sides and give my opinion as well.
First of all, improvement of money generating
activities Add a hyphen
money-generating
such
as the
stock trading, marketing of vegetables fresh from the gardens and electronics, Correct article usage
apply
as well as
improving social amenities such
as schools and hospitals should be priotized
by any government. Correct your spelling
prioritized
This
is because if the citizens are empowered with an adequate income, it will be smooth learning
other errands. Change the verb form
to learn
For instance
, a study recently done in the USA by students at the
Florida University depicted that the state has improved its economy Correct article usage
apply
with
up to 85 per cent from 65% witnessed Change preposition
by
last
year. This
will not only strengthen all the people but also
revenue collected will rise steadily.
On the other hand
, social amenities such
as public houses and transport infrastructure should not be ignored. Although
the government can balance the budget in order to allocate a certain percentage for the improvement of roads and houses. For example
, the regime of Saiberia has allocated 35 per cent of the total funds to construct affordable houses and expand the highways in order to carb
the issue of traffic. In return, the community have felt included in the government plan.
In conclusion, despite the fact that Correct your spelling
curb
economy
of any state is a vital thing to advance, I believe it should be improved Correct article usage
the economy
further
and only a small amount of funds to be taken to other state's activities.Submitted by janenjeru6 on
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language accuracy
There are some spelling and grammatical errors in the essay. For instance, 'ecenomic' should be 'economic', and ‘priotized’ should be ‘prioritized’. Paying more attention to language accuracy will make your essay more polished.
coherence
While the essay presents arguments for both sides, it would benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly address the points being discussed. Make sure each paragraph begins with a statement that clearly outlines the main idea.
cohesion
Try to connect ideas more smoothly using transition words and phrases. This will help to improve the flow of the essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
balanced discussion
You successfully provide a balanced discussion of both views, which is crucial for this type of essay. Well done!
structure
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize the essay's main points.
relevant examples
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay.