IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

The images below explains the process of how pollutants from modern life become acid rain that in turn pollutes the environment and the food chain. summarise the information by selecting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

#images #process #pollutants #life #acid #rain #pollutes #environment #food #chain #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The process below illustrates how pollutants in modern society transform into
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
acid rain which
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 have impact on
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 and affects
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the food chain.
Overall
, there are ten series of steps, starting
how
Change preposition
with how
show examples
 pollutants enter
food
Add an article
the food
show examples
 chain, starting with harmful chemicals rising to
clouds
, to the spoiling of the circle of life.
To begin
 with, harmful substances
such
 as carbon dioxide, sulphur dioxide, nitrogen oxides, mercury and others, which are released by housing, transport, factories,
power
Correct word choice
and power
show examples
 stations,
rises
Correct subject-verb agreement
rise
show examples
 to
clouds
.
As a result
,
clouds
 absorb these compounds,
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
 that, polluted
clouds
 cross over the atmosphere creating
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
acid rain falls.
Following
this
, rainfall pours down on hills and fields, plants, and rivers. In turn, lakes that are associated with rivers are polluted heavily.
Finally
, the crops that consume the water from lakes and rivers and
plant
Fix the agreement mistake
plants
show examples
 that
grows
Correct subject-verb agreement
grow
show examples
 on fields and hills are infected as pollutants enter the food chain.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that each step in the process is clearly explained. Some steps are a bit vague and could use more detail.
coherence cohesion
Consider restructuring the essay to make the progression of ideas more logical. For example, mention the pollutants first before discussing how they affect the environment and food chain.
coherence cohesion
One way to improve coherence is to use linking words/phrases more effectively. This helps guide the reader through your explanation.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear overview of how pollutants lead to acid rain and the subsequent environmental impact. This demonstrates a good understanding of the process.
coherence cohesion
The structure follows a logical sequence, which helps the reader understand the series of events. However, a more distinct introduction and conclusion could enhance this further.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported with relevant examples, like the mention of specific pollutants (e.g., carbon dioxide, sulphur dioxide). This shows a good grasp of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: