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Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Having a
job
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 is very important to build your
future
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. In my
openion
Correct your spelling
opinion
 being free in choosing your
job
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 is important.
Also
Linking Words
 thinking about your
future
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while
Linking Words
 choosing your
job
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 is important.
Body paragraph 1
Do you think being free in choosing your
job
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 is important
.
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?
show examples
Firstly
Linking Words
 because you will be more happy in your
job
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 because you
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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 what you like .
Further
Linking Words
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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you will be creative and thoughtful .
Linking Words
Moreover
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Moreover,
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 you will
fell
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feel
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 more confident with
your self
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yourself
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 because you
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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 what you like.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 you will be a hard worker .
Body paragraph 2
What do you think about
people
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 who think about their
future
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while
Linking Words
 choosing their
job
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.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
People
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 who think about their
future
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while
Linking Words
 choosing their
job
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 will be more
comfertble
Correct your spelling
comfortable
 with their lives.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 their
future
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 family will be more happy .
In
Linking Words
addition
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addition,
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people
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 around you will be more happy with you and
also
Linking Words
 proud.
Conclusion
Linking Words
Lastly
Add a comma
Lastly,
show examples
people
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 should choose the
job
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 they like. And
also
Linking Words
 good for their
future
Use synonyms
 lives and homes to have a happy life .

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task achievement
Try to give more detailed examples to support your points, which will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Make your ideas transition more smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
Develop your main points further to make them clearer and more comprehensive. Expand on your arguments to provide more depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and is fully developed before moving to the next one. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which is good for giving a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your choice of topic introduction clearly states what the essay will discuss, which is beneficial for coherence.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career trajectory
  • job satisfaction
  • employment prospects
  • financial stability
  • job security
  • economically viable
  • harnessing potential
  • labor market
  • vocational guidance
  • real-world demands
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