Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

2.0 / 9

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Introduction

Having a

job

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is very important to build your

future

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. In my

openion

Correct your spelling

opinion

being free in choosing your

job

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is important.

Also

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thinking about your

future

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while

Linking Words

choosing your

job

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is important.

Body paragraph 1

Do you think being free in choosing your

job

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is important

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Firstly

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because you will be more happy in your

job

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because you

chose

Wrong verb form

choose

show examples

what you like .

Further

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Correct quantifier usage

apply

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you will be creative and thoughtful .

Linking Words

Moreover

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Moreover,

show examples

you will

fell

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feel

show examples

more confident with

your self

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yourself

show examples

because you

chose

Wrong verb form

choose

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what you like.

Linking Words

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

you will be a hard worker .

Body paragraph 2

What do you think about

people

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who think about their

future

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while

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choosing their

job

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Change the punctuation

show examples

People

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who think about their

future

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while

Linking Words

choosing their

job

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will be more

comfertble

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comfortable

with their lives.

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Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

their

future

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family will be more happy .

Linking Words

addition

Add a comma

addition,

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people

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around you will be more happy with you and

also

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proud.

Conclusion

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Lastly

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Lastly,

show examples

people

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should choose the

job

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they like. And

also

Linking Words

good for their

future

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lives and homes to have a happy life .

shaikha.alsaif4

Jul 25, 2024

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task achievement

Try to give more detailed examples to support your points, which will make your argument stronger and more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Make your ideas transition more smoothly from one to the next.

task achievement

Develop your main points further to make them clearer and more comprehensive. Expand on your arguments to provide more depth.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and is fully developed before moving to the next one. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.

task achievement

You have presented both sides of the argument, which is good for giving a balanced view.

coherence cohesion

Your choice of topic introduction clearly states what the essay will discuss, which is beneficial for coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

170 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

career trajectory
job satisfaction
employment prospects
financial stability
job security
economically viable
harnessing potential
labor market
vocational guidance
real-world demands

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