Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Having a
job
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is very important to build your
future
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. In my
openion
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opinion
being free in choosing your
job
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is important.
Also
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thinking about your
future
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while
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choosing your
job
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is important. Do you think being free in choosing your
job
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is important
.
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?
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Firstly
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because you will be more happy in your
job
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because you
chose
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choose
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what you like .
Further
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more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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you will be creative and thoughtful .
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Moreover
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Moreover,
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you will
fell
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feel
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more confident with
your self
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yourself
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because you
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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what you like.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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you will be a hard worker . What do you think about
people
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who think about their
future
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while
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choosing their
job
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.
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?
show examples
People
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who think about their
future
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while
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choosing their
job
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will be more
comfertble
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comfortable
with their lives.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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their
future
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family will be more happy .
In
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addition
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addition,
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people
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around you will be more happy with you and
also
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proud.
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Lastly
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Lastly,
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people
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should choose the
job
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they like. And
also
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good for their
future
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lives and homes to have a happy life .
Submitted by shaikha.alsaif4 on

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task achievement
Try to give more detailed examples to support your points, which will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Make your ideas transition more smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
Develop your main points further to make them clearer and more comprehensive. Expand on your arguments to provide more depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and is fully developed before moving to the next one. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which is good for giving a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your choice of topic introduction clearly states what the essay will discuss, which is beneficial for coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career trajectory
  • job satisfaction
  • employment prospects
  • financial stability
  • job security
  • economically viable
  • harnessing potential
  • labor market
  • vocational guidance
  • real-world demands
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