Some people think young people should be free to choose their job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Having a
job
is very important to build your
future
. In my
openion
Correct your spelling
opinion
being free in choosing your
job
is important.
Also
thinking about your
future
while
choosing your
job
is important. Do you think being free in choosing your
job
is important
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Firstly
because you will be more happy in your
job
because you
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
what you like .
Further
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
you will be creative and thoughtful .
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
you will
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
more confident with
your self
Correct your spelling
yourself
show examples
because you
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
what you like.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
you will be a hard worker . What do you think about
people
who think about their
future
while
choosing their
job
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
People
who think about their
future
while
choosing their
job
will be more
comfertble
Correct your spelling
comfortable
with their lives.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
their
future
family will be more happy .
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
people
around you will be more happy with you and
also
proud.
Lastly
Add a comma
Lastly,
show examples
people
should choose the
job
they like. And
also
good for their
future
lives and homes to have a happy life .
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task achievement
Try to give more detailed examples to support your points, which will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Make your ideas transition more smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
Develop your main points further to make them clearer and more comprehensive. Expand on your arguments to provide more depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and is fully developed before moving to the next one. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which is good for giving a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your choice of topic introduction clearly states what the essay will discuss, which is beneficial for coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career trajectory
  • job satisfaction
  • employment prospects
  • financial stability
  • job security
  • economically viable
  • harnessing potential
  • labor market
  • vocational guidance
  • real-world demands
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