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Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some companies make donations to local charities and community groups. Other companies do not and leave it up to their staff to decide whether to make personal donations. Should companies donate part of their profits to charities? State your opinion and provide reasons for your view.

#companies #donations #charities #community #groups #staff #part #profits
Big companies sometimes tend to create donations with their
charities
such
 as those who are in the vulnerable groups. There are part
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their sales that they gained will be given either to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
charities
 or leave it to their employees for their own
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
. Most of the
charities
 these days don't have enough
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 to sustain and provide the group of people they advocate to help. They are self-funded or mostly a group
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 just initiated the program. In my community, a charity called "Smile is on the way" is a group of people who help children who lost their parents or those without
a
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apply
show examples
family support. For them to raise a
fund
, they will have to reach
to
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out to
show examples
 several companies for
a
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apply
show examples
help.
Likewise
,
charities
 need more
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
due to
its
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their
show examples
 expensive output. Some
charities
 provide expensive but effective materials or facilities that
requires
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require
show examples
 maintenance. With
this
 regard, they call for a weekly
fund
 and seek
for
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apply
show examples
more help
to
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from
show examples
 each
insdustries
Correct your spelling
industry
 including those who are in
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
 industry. As a conclusion, companies should provide their excess income or sales to
charities
 so it will be useful. The unending support that
charities
 must have should be taken with actions and not be deprived
from
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of
show examples
 financial support.
Submitted by dhowardjacob on

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coherence cohesion
Try to develop a clearer structure for your essay. Present a distinct introduction that clearly states your position, followed by well-organized paragraphs that develop your points, and finish with a conclusion that summarises your argument.
task achievement
Consider incorporating more specific examples and details to support your main points. This will help to make your argument more compelling and illustrate your points more effectively.
task achievement
To improve the clarity of your ideas, try to elaborate more on each point you make. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and provide explanations and examples for your reasons.
task achievement
Your essay addresses a relevant topic and shows an understanding of the issue at hand, which is important for a high score.
task achievement
You have included examples, such as the charity 'Smile is on the way', to support your points, which adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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