IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some say you should always marry for love; others say that in an uncertain world it’s wiser to marry for money. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 thriving world where
people
Use synonyms
 tend to romanticize
love
Use synonyms
, many
people
Use synonyms
 argue whether to marry the
person
Use synonyms
 they
love
Use synonyms
 or the
person
Use synonyms
 who has the
wealth
Use synonyms
 they need for life. Since childhood, children are taught that the foundation of marriage is
love
Use synonyms
. There are instances or
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 in life when a
person
Use synonyms
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 married, one can question why they marry their spouse and it's because of
love
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 start a relationship
due to
Linking Words
 the feeling they have toward
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 they are interested in. An example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 when two
couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
show examples
 get
marry
Wrong verb form
married
show examples
 since they
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 together for how many years, they will still fix and understand each other because of
love
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, marrying the one you
love
Use synonyms
 and
put
Wrong verb form
putting
show examples
love
Use synonyms
 as the foundation of the relationship will help it
lasts
Correct subject-verb agreement
last
show examples
 longer.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are unfortunate
people
Use synonyms
 who grow up thriving without the
wealth
Use synonyms
 they need. For them, one way to survive and raise their family in
this
Linking Words
 practical world is to marry someone with
huge
Add an article
a huge
the huge
show examples
 amount of money in their pocket
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 it's someone they don't really
love
Use synonyms
. As some TV shows
portrays
Change the verb form
portray
show examples
 about fiancee's journey to marry, some
people
Use synonyms
 in slums tend to find their spouse who has more income rather than finding their true
love
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the main factor for them to marry is the
wealth
Use synonyms
 of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 future partner. In conclusion, there are
people
Use synonyms
 who still romanticize their marriage with
love
Use synonyms
 and how
this
Linking Words
 can affect their relationship.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who need money will opt to choose the path of marrying the
person
Use synonyms
 who has much to offer
such
Linking Words
 as
wealth
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph contains clear and comprehensive ideas that fully answer the question. Your points about marrying for love and money are good but could be explored in more depth.
coherence cohesion
When introducing and concluding your essay, ensure that these sections clearly outline your main points and summarize them effectively. Your introduction was clear, but your conclusion could reiterate the main points for better emphasis.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, you could provide real-life examples or more detailed hypothetical scenarios to make your points more convincing.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets up the essay's theme and clearly presents the two opposing views.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for each main point, which helps the coherence of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: