Some say you should always marry for love; others say that in an uncertain world it’s wiser to marry for money. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

In
this
thriving world where
people
tend to romanticize
love
, many
people
argue whether to marry the
person
they
love
or the
person
who has the
wealth
they need for life. Since childhood, children are taught that the foundation of marriage is
love
. There are instances or
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
in life when a
person
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
married, one can question why they marry their spouse and it's because of
love
.
People
start a relationship
due to
the feeling they have toward
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
person
they are interested in. An example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
that is
when two
couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
show examples
get
marry
Wrong verb form
married
show examples
since they
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
together for how many years, they will still fix and understand each other because of
love
.
Thus
, marrying the one you
love
and
put
Wrong verb form
putting
show examples
love
as the foundation of the relationship will help it
lasts
Correct subject-verb agreement
last
show examples
longer.
On the other hand
, there are unfortunate
people
who grow up thriving without the
wealth
they need. For them, one way to survive and raise their family in
this
practical world is to marry someone with
huge
Add an article
a huge
the huge
show examples
amount of money in their pocket
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
it's someone they don't really
love
. As some TV shows
portrays
Change the verb form
portray
show examples
about fiancee's journey to marry, some
people
in slums tend to find their spouse who has more income rather than finding their true
love
.
Therefore
, the main factor for them to marry is the
wealth
of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
future partner. In conclusion, there are
people
who still romanticize their marriage with
love
and how
this
can affect their relationship.
On the other hand
,
people
who need money will opt to choose the path of marrying the
person
who has much to offer
such
as
wealth
.
Submitted by dhowardjacob on

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph contains clear and comprehensive ideas that fully answer the question. Your points about marrying for love and money are good but could be explored in more depth.
coherence cohesion
When introducing and concluding your essay, ensure that these sections clearly outline your main points and summarize them effectively. Your introduction was clear, but your conclusion could reiterate the main points for better emphasis.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, you could provide real-life examples or more detailed hypothetical scenarios to make your points more convincing.
task achievement
The introduction effectively sets up the essay's theme and clearly presents the two opposing views.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for each main point, which helps the coherence of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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