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Band 5

It can be difficult for small local shops to compete with large supermarkets and with on-line shops. How does this affect local communities? What could be done to improve this situation?

#shops #supermarkets #affect #communities #situation
In the current world of globalisation, many local small-scale businesses have been forced to shut down simply because they could not keep up with the multinational companies
as well as
 those operated virtually. If
this
 continues to happen, it would have a drastic impact on the local communities.
This
 essay discusses the detrimental effects of
this
 phenomenon on the local community and generates a number of strategies we can adopt to solve
such
 a problem.
This
 issue would greatly impact the uniqueness of the local town, which is normally represented by the foods or local brand
products
.
For instance
, a signature brand of Kampot province is the Kampot pepper. Many local enterprises have been established to produce the different types of peppers.
However
, when one big foreign business came in, they brought with them
a
Correct article usage
apply
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cutting-edge technology and
build
Wrong verb form
built
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 a massive factory to manufacture similar types of
products
.
As a result
, they can sell the
products
in
Change preposition
at
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 a lower price, making the local companies bankrupt as their product price is not as competitive as those from the bigger companies. To solve
such
 a problem, I believe, the government has a critical role to play.
First,
they should limit the number of businesses that focus on special
products
such
 as
the
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show examples
pepper
or
Correct word choice
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durian or any other locally made items. With
this
 strategy, they will be able to monitor the local market situation.
Moreover
, they can
also
also
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
provide subsidies to the local venture so as to encourage them to produce more and raise Cambodian brand
products
 to the international stage.
This
 will not only help raise the local economy
,
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 but
also
the
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Cambodia
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the international arena. All in all, it is undeniable that it would be challenging for
the
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apply
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local
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 to compete with multinational cooperates, and with
this
 issue, the local communities would be affected tremendously. One of them would be the fading
in
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of
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 local branding.
However
, the government can solve
this
 problem by creating
a quota-based businesses
Correct the article-noun agreement
a quota-based business
quota-based businesses
show examples
 and
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 subsidies to the locals to support them.
Submitted by emteeme on

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task achievement
Make sure to thoroughly address both parts of the prompt: the effects on local communities and possible solutions. While you've provided good examples and solutions, expanding slightly on how exactly local communities are impacted beyond economic aspects could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas. Your essay is generally well-structured, but occasionally the flow between sentences could be smoother. Using transitional phrases and linking words consistently will enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of words to make the text more engaging. For example, "also also" can be edited to "also" only once. Watch for similar redundancies.
task achievement
Excellent use of specific examples, such as the Kampot pepper, which make your points more concrete and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, both effectively summarizing the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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