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Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Describe a time when you spent a lot of money. What did you buy?

#time #money
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Describe a time when you spent a lot of
money
. What did you buy? As each
person
Add a comma
person,
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 I have the time in my life when I have spent loads of
money
. I purchased a car which
costs
Wrong verb form
cost
show examples
 an arm and a leg. I have some necessary reasons why I have chosen it. First and foremost, it is convenient and fast.
While
 driving the car I fell in the safe.
On the other hand
, I afforded it because it was my dream
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
In addition
, after buying it I thought I
am
Wrong verb form
was
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money
Correct article usage
a money
show examples
 spender.
That is
way
Correct your spelling
why
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, I have to make enough
money
moreover
 the car needs expensive petrol.
Additionally
, I have some dreams which I can’t afford them.
However
, after a
while
Add a comma
while,
show examples
 I’ll get them.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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coherence cohesion
Begin with a clear introduction that sets the context and briefly outlines why you needed or wanted to spend a lot of money on this purchase. This will help readers understand the background better.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific reasons for your purchase. Mention any particular features of the car that attracted you and explain how they contribute to your overall satisfaction and experience.
coherence cohesion
Summarize your feelings about the purchase in a concluding sentence to give a sense of closure to the essay. This will enhance the overall structure and coherence.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt directly by discussing a significant purchase and gives personal reasons for making such an expenditure.
coherence cohesion
The essay employs some transitional phrases like ‘First and foremost’ and ‘In addition’ to connect ideas, which helps improve the flow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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