IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)

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The provided bar graph
has demonstrated
Wrong verb form
demonstrates
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 the amount of unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 carried out by married
women
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 and married
men
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 with and without children. Married
women
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 without children
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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spend about 30
hours
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 of unpaid
work
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 per week,
whereas
Linking Words
 married
men
Use synonyms
accounts
Change the verb form
account
show examples
only
Change preposition
for only
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 about 20
hours
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 of unpaid
work
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 weekly. The amount
unpaid
Change preposition
of unpaid
show examples
work
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 done by
men
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 with 1-2 children remained
similiar
Correct your spelling
similar
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 of the same category
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 contributed more than 50
hours
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 of unpaid
work
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the amount of unpaid
work
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 done by married
women
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 with
3+children
Correct your spelling
3+ children
 has
further
Linking Words
 increased to 60
hours
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 per week, whilst the time
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 by married
men
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 of the same category
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
slighlty
Correct your spelling
slightly
 reduced. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, the
hours
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 of unpaid
work
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 carried out by
women
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 in different categories are not proportional,
however
Linking Words
, the time
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 by
men
Use synonyms
 in various categories has remained almost similar.
Inaddition
Correct your spelling
In addition
,
Men
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 contributed to the least unpaid working
hours
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 per week across various segments.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, women, men, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution
  • demographics
  • household responsibilities
  • societal expectations
  • norms
  • childcare
  • housework
  • gardening
  • contributions
  • family structure
  • cultural implications
  • social implications
  • work-life balance
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