The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)
The provided bar graph
has demonstrated
Wrong verb form
demonstrates
show examples
the amount of unpaid
work
carried out by married
women
and married
men
with and without children. Married
women
without children
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spend about 30
hours
of unpaid
work
per week,
whereas
married
men
accounts
Change the verb form
account
show examples
only
Change preposition
for only
show examples
about 20
hours
of unpaid
work
weekly. The amount
unpaid
Change preposition
of unpaid
show examples
work
done by
men
with 1-2 children remained
similiar
Correct your spelling
similar
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
women
of the same category
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
contributed more than 50
hours
of unpaid
work
.
Nevertheless
, the amount of unpaid
work
done by married
women
with
3+children
Correct your spelling
3+ children
has
further
increased to 60
hours
per week, whilst the time
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
by married
men
of the same category
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
slighlty
Correct your spelling
slightly
reduced. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, the
hours
of unpaid
work
carried out by
women
in different categories are not proportional,
however
, the time
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
by
men
in various categories has remained almost similar.
Inaddition
Correct your spelling
In addition
,
Men
contributed to the least unpaid working
hours
per week across various segments.
Submitted by sachin.jose0206 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words work, women, men, hours with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution
  • demographics
  • household responsibilities
  • societal expectations
  • norms
  • childcare
  • housework
  • gardening
  • contributions
  • family structure
  • cultural implications
  • social implications
  • work-life balance
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