The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)
The provided bar graph
has demonstrated
the amount of unpaid Wrong verb form
demonstrates
work
carried out by married women
and married men
with and without children.
Married women
without children has
spend about 30 Unnecessary verb
apply
hours
of unpaid work
per week, whereas
married men
accounts
Change the verb form
account
only
about 20 Change preposition
for only
hours
of unpaid work
weekly. The amount unpaid
Change preposition
of unpaid
work
done by men
with 1-2 children remained similiar
. Correct your spelling
similar
However
Add a comma
However,
women
of the same category has
contributed more than 50 Change the verb form
have
hours
of unpaid work
.
Nevertheless
, the amount of unpaid work
done by married women
with 3+children
has Correct your spelling
3+ children
further
increased to 60 hours
per week, whilst the time spend
by married Change the form of the verb
spent
men
of the same category has
Change the verb form
have
slighlty
reduced.
In Correct your spelling
slightly
conlusion
, the Correct your spelling
conclusion
hours
of unpaid work
carried out by women
in different categories are not proportional, however
, the time spend
by Change the form of the verb
spent
men
in various categories has remained almost similar.
Inaddition
, Correct your spelling
In addition
Men
contributed to the least unpaid working hours
per week across various segments.Submitted by sachin.jose0206 on
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, women, men, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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