The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)
The provided bar graph
has demonstrated
the amount of unpaid Wrong verb form
demonstrates
work
carried out by married Use synonyms
women
and married Use synonyms
men
with and without children.
Married Use synonyms
women
without children Use synonyms
has
spend about 30 Unnecessary verb
apply
hours
of unpaid Use synonyms
work
per week, Use synonyms
whereas
married Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
accounts
Change the verb form
account
only
about 20 Change preposition
for only
hours
of unpaid Use synonyms
work
weekly. The amount Use synonyms
unpaid
Change preposition
of unpaid
work
done by Use synonyms
men
with 1-2 children remained Use synonyms
similiar
. Correct your spelling
similar
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
women
of the same category Use synonyms
has
contributed more than 50 Change the verb form
have
hours
of unpaid Use synonyms
work
.
Use synonyms
Nevertheless
, the amount of unpaid Linking Words
work
done by married Use synonyms
women
with Use synonyms
3+children
has Correct your spelling
3+ children
further
increased to 60 Linking Words
hours
per week, whilst the time Use synonyms
spend
by married Change the form of the verb
spent
men
of the same category Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
slighlty
reduced.
In Correct your spelling
slightly
conlusion
, the Correct your spelling
conclusion
hours
of unpaid Use synonyms
work
carried out by Use synonyms
women
in different categories are not proportional, Use synonyms
however
, the time Linking Words
spend
by Change the form of the verb
spent
men
in various categories has remained almost similar.
Use synonyms
Inaddition
, Correct your spelling
In addition
Men
contributed to the least unpaid working Use synonyms
hours
per week across various segments.Use synonyms
Submitted by sachin.jose0206 on
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, women, men, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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