In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In some countries, numerous individuals are suffering
health
concerns because of consuming too much fast Change preposition
from health
food
. Hence
, governments
should impose a higher tax on this
kind of food
. I completely agree that this
is the best way to tackle the issue of obesity and many health
problems. What is more, people
do not care themselves
, Change preposition
about themselves
therefore
governments
should solve this
problem by increasing the tax on fast food
.
Fast food
caused numerous health
difficulties in modern times, for
Correct word choice
and for
this
reason
Add the comma(s)
reason,
governments
started to increase some fast food
taxes
. What is more, citizens may reduce eating too much fasy
Correct your spelling
fast
food
when their governments
collect high taxes
from them. For instance
, China has been doing this
and recent Chinese statistics illustrates
us managing fast Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
food
taxes
and warning people
about fast food
are really useful.
When people
cannot afford to buy something, they usually start to buy new reasonable things instead
of expensive things. The reason is that people
should care their
families and themselves, especially in Change preposition
for their
this
modern world because high inflation is everywhere in the world. For example
, Turkey started to increase cigarettes
Change the noun form
cigarette
taxes
20 years ago, consequently
numerous Add a comma
consequently,
people
started to quit smoking. If need an example of research on this
topic, I would mention the study conducted by researchers of Queensland University from international
relations department; Correct article usage
the international
theyhave
researched Correct your spelling
they have
this
Turkish policy, and they showed us that this
worked reduce to smoke
Replace the word
smoking
cigarette
in Turkey.
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
To conclude
, in the modern world many governments
prefer to collect high taxes
from
fast Change preposition
on
food
because of public health
As I mentioned, this
is useful for public health
, hence
fast food
cause
many Replace the word
causes
health
problems and when they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
cannot afford to buy these kinds of food
they start to buy different healthy things.Submitted by burakinancerturac on
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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, be sure to provide clearer and more comprehensive explanations for your points. Some of the ideas in the essay are not fully expanded or explained, which can make your argument less convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily. Make use of linking words and phrases to strengthen the connections within and between paragraphs.
general linguistic
Pay attention to small language inaccuracies (e.g., 'people do not care themselves' should be 'people do not care for themselves'). While they do not significantly impact your score, improving these errors can make your writing clearer and more professional.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps to organize your ideas and present your argument effectively.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the situation in China and Turkey, help to support your main points and provide context to your argument.