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Writing Samples
Band 4

The breakthroughs in medical science are by far the most significant advances in world scoeity over the the last two centuries. Dicuss this statement and give your opinion

#breakthroughs #science #advances #world #scoeity #two #centuries #dicuss
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In the
last
 two ages,it is generally accepted that the most important discoveries of mankind are medical breakthroughs.The spite of many other advances
such
 as artificial intelligence and nanotechnology,I
also
 tend to think that there is nothing more essential than accomplishments in
science
Add an article
the science
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 of
medical
Replace the word
medicine
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,and
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will give my opinion.
Firstly
,it is well known that
due to
 the poor medicine in the distant past
people
 one after another were dying.What I mean here is that thanks to more developed medicine and amazing scientist’s achievements it is not rocket
science
 to cure deadly diseases nowadays.A good case in point is
artificial
Correct article usage
the artificial
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 heart “AbioCor”
that
Correct determiner usage
a
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 group of surgeons invented in 2001 and it has become very useful for
people
 suffering from
heart-disease
Correct your spelling
heart disease
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.
On the other hand
,it can
also
 be argued that some medicative advancements made
people
 with
limit
Replace the word
limited
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 possibilities much more happier.
That is
 to say on account of brilliant scientists we have technologies that
helps
Change the verb form
help
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 the deaf to hear,exoskeletons that may give a hand for handicaps,and
additionally
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 can mention
about
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apply
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developed glasses that give
an excellent opportunities
Correct the article-noun agreement
an excellent opportunity
excellent opportunities
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 for blinds and
colourblinds
Correct your spelling
colourblind
colour blinds
. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that breakthroughs in medical
science
 made
this
 world better,livelier and helped for whole society in various areas.As said before,there were a lot of problems because of bad doctors in the past centuries,and new advances in
this
 field of
science
 solved these all problems.
That is
way
Correct your spelling
why
show examples
people
 tend to consider pharmaceutical findings the best.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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coherence cohesion
Introduction could be clearer. Explain more specifically what you will discuss.
task achievement
Avoid repeating similar points. Each paragraph should introduce a new idea or example.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with spelling and grammatical errors to enhance readability.
task achievement
Expand on examples and link them clearly to your argument, offering more depth.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples that support the main points.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion present in the essay.
coherence cohesion
The ideas in the essay are clear and generally well-structured.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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