In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it?

#parts #world #festivals #celebrations #development #measures

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In general, I

Correct your spelling

could

should

chould

Correct your spelling

could describe

discribe

Correct your spelling

describe

this

Linking Words

graph

Correct your spelling

which shows

show examples

wich

Correct your spelling

which

show examples

dhows the production levels of

main

Change the article

the main

show examples

kind

Fix the agreement mistake

kinds

show examples

of fuel in the UK between 1981 and 2000 and compare them At

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

first,

Linking Words

I want to talk about

Petrolium

Correct your spelling

Petroleum

, as we can see the fuel in

this

Linking Words

graph started

produced

Add a missing verb

being produced

show examples

in 1981 and

then

Linking Words

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

was at the mark of less than 100 energy units

then

Linking Words

Petroleum increased and stopped in 1984, reaching the 140 mark

then

Linking Words

,in 1986 Petroleum dropped to 100 in 1990

then

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

fuel increased again to 140, and it reached its peak somewhere in 1999.

then

Linking Words

there

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

in the graph

a coal

Remove the article

coal

a lump of coal

show examples

and it started way in 1981 when it was 80 energy units ,

then

Linking Words

it increased

little

Add an article

a little

show examples

bit and dropped in 1984 and became 40

thenit

Correct your spelling

then

increased to 60 and gradually decreased to a value of less than 40, so its own peak was at the

begining

Correct your spelling

beginning

this

Linking Words

way when it was 80.And the

last

Linking Words

one,

its

Correct your spelling

show examples

natural

gas

Use synonyms

. we can see that the Natural

gas

Use synonyms

long time was at 40 energy units from 1981 to 1990.

then

Linking Words

it gradually increased to 100 and

this

Linking Words

its

Add a missing verb

was its

show examples

peak. Now I want to compare

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

fuels.So, we can see that the

Petroeum

Correct your spelling

Petroleum

the

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

best of fuels at least in popularity it was the best

all time

Add a hyphen

all-time

show examples

from 1981 to 2000 ,in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

second

place

Use synonyms

maybe

a coal

Remove the article

coal

a lump of coal

show examples

but it was in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

second

place

Use synonyms

just from 1981 to

somwhere

Correct your spelling

somewhere

1991 and

then

Linking Words

it dropped to the third

place

Use synonyms

Thats

Correct your spelling

That's

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

natural

gas

Use synonyms

was in third

place

Use synonyms

from 1981 to 1991,started

insrese

Correct your spelling

increase

and became

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

second

place

Use synonyms

Ans

Correct your spelling

show examples

we can

Correct your spelling

see

se that

Verb problem

see

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

natural

gas

Use synonyms

has been increasing rapidly all

this

Linking Words

time and has been the best at it

Submitted by dulskywork on Fri Jul 26 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Work on organizing your essay into clear paragraphs. Start with an Introduction, followed by Body Paragraphs, and end with a Conclusion.

coherence cohesion

Try to improve sentence structure, ensuring that each sentence flows logically to the next. This will help your essay become more coherent.

task achievement

Ensure that you provide specific examples consistently throughout your essay to support your points. This can strengthen your argument.

task achievement

Pay attention to grammar and punctuation to make sentences clearer. Avoid run-on sentences and ensure that each sentence focuses on one main idea.

task achievement

The essay attempts to analyze the graph and describe the trends for different types of fuels, which shows an understanding of the task.

task achievement

You used specific details from the graph, such as years and energy units, to support your description and comparisons.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

291 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Urbanization
Modernization
Homogenization
Globalization
Cultural practices
Economic pressures
Cultural heritage
Digital entertainment
Cultural organizations
Educational programs
Cultural tourism
Revitalize
Authentic cultural events
Traditional customs
Incorporating modern elements

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Advertising has become an unavoidable part of everyone’s life. Some say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is a negative one. Discuss both views and include your own opinion
Advertising has become a pervasive aspect of modern life. It has both supporters and critics, each offering compelling arguments about its effects on society. Many people argue that advertising has a positive effect on society, while others claim that advertising has negative consequences. In my opinion, advertising is a double-bladed sword. This essay will discuss both perspectives.
6
band
Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?
In this contemporary epoch, most individuals have very hectic schedules. Due to busy life, people get health ailments because they are not able to exercise daily. This essay will delve into the reasons behind the above scenario and will provide some solutions to this problem.
6.5
band
Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a prevailing belief that humanity should coexist with climate change rather than actively combat it. Despite some opposition, I am convinced that this argument is compelling, as evidenced by several past campaigns implemented in small islands in South Asia that took advantage of rising sea levels and air temperatures.
5
band
Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
There is no denying the fact that learning languages is a very important thing. While it is a commonly held belief that being in country where you must speak that country’s language cause serious problems, there is also an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that being in a foreign country is a good opportunity to acquire a new language. To begin with, a person desiring to learn a new language always needs to have some sort of motivation. In other words, your need
6
band
Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
It is widely believed that art is a global language to express human feelings or hindsight without the need for any interpretation. Music as a kind of art follows this rule and nowadays becomes one of the most important ways of integrating various cultures. Thanks to the advancement of technology and the Internet, we can see serious cultural globalisation in the music industry.

In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it?

Fully explain your ideas

Advertising has become an unavoidable part of everyone’s life. Some say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is a negative one. Discuss both views and include your own opinion

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?