IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Write about the following topic: The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extend do you agree and disagree with this statement?

#topic #aim #science #people’s #lives
The primary goal of
science
 should be to improve people’s
live
Replace the word
lives
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. I believe, to date,
science
 has benefited humanity through various advancements, including medical
advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
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 and technological innovations.
Science
 creates medical
technogies
Correct your spelling
technologies
 beyond what people
has
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have
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 expected before. It fortunately improves public health
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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 and
cure
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cures
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 most of the sicknesses.
Additionally
, medicines have the
abbility
Correct your spelling
ability
 to lower the death possibilities which often happened
in
Change preposition
apply
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years ago.
For example
, not long ago, HIV survivors
have
Wrong verb form
had
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 the lowest chance to
survived
Wrong verb form
survive
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 or
cured
Add a missing verb
be cured
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.
Further
 after a long research and various tests, scientists have found the medicine to combat the disease.
This
 medical innovation has helped the survivors to stay alive. Aside
of
Change preposition
from
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
well-being improvement,
science
 has created innovative
technologies
.
Technologies
 which we
were
Verb problem
had
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 never expected before. Namely, preservation
technologies
 which help long-term food storage. Before
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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technologies
 were
foung
Correct your spelling
found
, some foods including vegetables and fruits only lasted for
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 days. Quite long ago, scientists have found several
innovation
Change to a plural noun
innovations
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 to preserve foods and keep
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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nutritions
Correct your spelling
nutritious
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, these are
:
Remove the comma
apply
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 fermentation, dehydration, and the newest one, the UV preservation technique. By using these methods, it has proven to help foods
last
 longer even
until
Change preposition
in
show examples
 years. Some techniques,
for instance
, the fermentation technique helps food to become
vary
Change the form of the verb
varied
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.
For example
, Kimchi from Korea which is popular nowadays has
an
Change the article
a
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 unique taste and helps to improve digestion
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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.
Overall
, I believe that
science
 has
improve
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improved
show examples
 human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 nowadays.
Science
 has given us, not only
human
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humans
show examples
 but the other lives longer than before. Various
science
Replace the word
scientific
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advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
show examples
 including medicine and food preservation.
Submitted by rkarinameu on

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task achievement
Start with a clear and concise thesis statement in your introduction to clarify your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs by using more transition words and phrases.
task achievement
Minimize grammatical errors and ensure subject-verb agreement for higher clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure every paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a coherent structure.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your main points, for instance, medical advancements in HIV treatments and food preservation techniques.
task achievement
The essay addresses both medical advancements and technological innovations, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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