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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

the plans below shoe a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. summarise the inoformation by selecting and reporting the main features and make somparison where relavant

#plans #shoe #park #first #summarise #inoformation #features #somparison #relavant
The figure illustrates the changes that have occurred to Grange
Park
 which was first opened in 1920 until now. It is evident from the plans that the
overall
 features of the
park
 have varied during these years. In total, the
park
 had only two entrances at Arnold Avenue and across Eldon Street. on the left and right sides of the first entrance, there were rose gardens,
while
 a glasshouse was
also
 constructed on the right side of the second entrance. Some seats were
also
 placed around the
park
 for the visitors' convenience.
Moreover
, there is a fountain and a stage for musical performances in the centre. It can be indicated that the
park
 has changed significantly. In the new plan, another entrance for cars can be seen almost near the water features added next to
Eldon
Correct article usage
the Eldon
show examples
 Street entry.
Next,
the fountain was replaced by a large garden filled with roses and surrounded by seats.
Also
, the stage has developed into an amphitheatre for concerts.
Further
,
Correct article usage
a
show examples
children's play area and a cafe are built on the top right side of the
park
. In conclusion, the
park
 has gone through so many changes and a lot of different features and facilities were added.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Grammar
To improve further, ensure that all sentences begin with a capital letter. This small accuracy in grammar can lift the overall impression of your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the essay is well-organized, consider using more linkers to enhance the flow between paragraphs. This can help the reader follow your comparisons and contrasts more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Provide a brief overview of the key changes in the introduction to give a snapshot of what has changed in the park over the years.
Task Achievement
You have effectively summarized the main features of the park and provided relevant comparisons, which is one of the key requirements of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your points.
Content
You have included a variety of features and changes in the park, showing a comprehensive understanding of the changes over time.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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