IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the plans below shoe a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. summarise the inoformation by selecting and reporting the main features and make somparison where relavant

#plans #shoe #park #first #summarise #inoformation #features #somparison #relavant
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The figure illustrates the changes that have occurred to Grange
Park
Use synonyms
 which was first opened in 1920 until now. It is evident from the plans that the
overall
Linking Words
 features of the
park
Use synonyms
 have varied during these years. In total, the
park
Use synonyms
 had only two entrances at Arnold Avenue and across Eldon Street. on the left and right sides of the first entrance, there were rose gardens,
while
Linking Words
 a glasshouse was
also
Linking Words
 constructed on the right side of the second entrance. Some seats were
also
Linking Words
 placed around the
park
Use synonyms
 for the visitors' convenience.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there is a fountain and a stage for musical performances in the centre. It can be indicated that the
park
Use synonyms
 has changed significantly. In the new plan, another entrance for cars can be seen almost near the water features added next to
Eldon
Correct article usage
the Eldon
show examples
 Street entry.
Next,
Linking Words
the fountain was replaced by a large garden filled with roses and surrounded by seats.
Also
Linking Words
, the stage has developed into an amphitheatre for concerts.
Further
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
a
show examples
children's play area and a cafe are built on the top right side of the
park
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the
park
Use synonyms
 has gone through so many changes and a lot of different features and facilities were added.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar
To improve further, ensure that all sentences begin with a capital letter. This small accuracy in grammar can lift the overall impression of your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the essay is well-organized, consider using more linkers to enhance the flow between paragraphs. This can help the reader follow your comparisons and contrasts more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Provide a brief overview of the key changes in the introduction to give a snapshot of what has changed in the park over the years.
Task Achievement
You have effectively summarized the main features of the park and provided relevant comparisons, which is one of the key requirements of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your points.
Content
You have included a variety of features and changes in the park, showing a comprehensive understanding of the changes over time.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: