In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays it is quite common for
people
to find a well-paid job having to move away from their friends or even families. I am of the opinion that in some cases there are more benefits for
Change preposition
to
this
development, although
there are a couple of disadvantages.
Firstly
, a commonly held view about this
is that the person who moves away will not be able to see their families
for a long period of time, and Fix the agreement mistake
family
this
is a clear drawback for a great amount of individuals. For
instance
there are a lot of families in my Add a comma
instance,
country
that in order to get bigger wages decide to move away one
family member, and they often end up not seeing how their children grow. Change preposition
from one
Consequently
, another downside is that in my country
for instance
, there is a whole generation that have
grown Change the verb form
has
without
their parents, Change preposition
up without
this
led to Correct word choice
and this
enormous
number of Change the article
an enormous
the enormous
people
that has
diverse problems with their mental health.
Wrong verb form
having
Secondly
, in my opinion
there are more sustainable reasons for leaving your city or Add a comma
opinion,
country
for better work. One advantage is that this
gives to
some Change preposition
apply
people
opportunity
to develop in the area they wish to have in their native Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
country
. For example
, a significant amount of people
when choosing area
where they would like to work or to develop themselves, often find out that there are no possible work opportunities in their Add an article
an area
the area
country
and so leaving is the finest solution. Similarly
, moving away for some individuals could be the leading solution for them to get better
life, Add an article
a better
for instance
, this
could be better wages, developed
healthcare industry and so on.
Correct article usage
a developed
To conclude
, whereas
there are significant disadvantages, I believe that advantages
outweigh the disadvantages, and Correct article usage
the advantages
that is
the reason why so many people
nowadays leave their native country
in order to find a sustainable place for them.Submitted by acaitaz on
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task achievement
Work on strengthening your main points with more detailed examples. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This will make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion, setting a clear direction for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your opinion.
complete response
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced view on the topic.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.