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Band 4

Nowadays people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of the news. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #media #touch #news #outweigh
The using of social media
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
such
 a crucial matter nowadays,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 renaissance of
technology
 services
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 in different aspects , in
this
 essay I will elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 of
this
 system.
To begin
 with, the useful side
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
social media
technology
 is to facilitate the tasks among the people , which makes them connect with each other across the distance ,
as well as
 , exchange the news ,
Correct word choice
and sending
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sending
Wrong verb form
send
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 pic.
Hence
,
this
is
Verb problem
plays
show examples
 a significant role in
this
 era nowadays.
Furthermore
, the quality of the speed ,
it is clear that
 it is very
higher
Correct word choice
high
show examples
for example
: the using of the telegraph or the post in the past
was consuming
Verb problem
took
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
several days to arrive to the concerned person,
as a result
, the time factor has changed
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the better.
Also
, another example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the advantage of
this
technology
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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buying over the sea.
Consequently
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
folks can
make
Verb problem
place
show examples
order
Fix the agreement mistake
orders
show examples
 via the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 to buy
some thing
Correct your spelling
something
show examples
instead
 of travelling .
While
 , the disadvantage of it, is the bad news which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 published daily .
For example
. The war , in Iraq
as well as
 in Russia and going on
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 countries.
Hence
, it has a traumatic effect on the receiving person
.
Correct your spelling
Moreover
moreover
 , the
effecting
Correct word choice
apply
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side on the kids ;
therefore
, it has a negative impression on them by seeing the violence and
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
represent the scenario. To sum it up, the advantage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
using
this
technology
 is a crucial part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our life,
thus
 we cannot
duspence
Correct your spelling
survive
 without it , the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
is out weight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
show examples
 the
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
Therefore
hence
, I concur with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technology
although
 it has a dark or negative side. And it
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on who to use it.
Submitted by sarah.baghdad20 on

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language
Ensure consistent use of the articles 'a' and 'the'. For example, 'the using of social media' should be 'the use of social media'.
task achievement
Develop and elaborate on the points with more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, explain more about how social media facilitates buying goods overseas.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas by using linking words and phrases such as 'on the other hand', 'moreover', 'in addition'.
language
Use varied vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the readability of the essay. Avoid repetitive phrases and unnecessary fillers.
language
Review grammar and punctuation rules; pay particular attention to correct comma and full-stop placement, and avoid run-on sentences.
content
The essay recognizes both advantages and disadvantages of social media, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
content
It includes some specific examples, such as war news affecting children and buying goods online, which helps illustrate the points made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Instant communication
  • Geographical separation
  • Vital sources
  • Global events
  • Networking opportunities
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Digital interactions
  • Misinformation
  • Misiformed public opinions
  • Endanger
  • Excessive use
  • Addiction
  • Mental health
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Loneliness
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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