The precentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

#precentage #children #society #ten #years #effects #trend

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It is indeed true that, nowadays, people are

suffereing

Correct your spelling

suffering

more from different types of illness and diseases

Correct your spelling

show examples

compared to earlier. It is stated that obesity among youth has surged approximately 20% since

last

Linking Words

decade in the western side of the world. I will discuss the reasons and impacts of

this

Linking Words

current trend in the subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, the first and foremost cause for the

spreadness

Correct your spelling

spread

this

Linking Words

disease could be junk

food

Use synonyms

Also

Linking Words

known as fast

food

Use synonyms

kids

Use synonyms

are nowadays addicted to

this

Linking Words

type

Correct your spelling

show examples

food

Use synonyms

. Fast or junk

food

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contains no or almost negligible minerals.

However

Linking Words

, fast

food

Use synonyms

consists of plenty of

unheathy

Correct your spelling

unhealthy

healthy

ingredients.

Besides

Linking Words

this

Add a comma

this,

show examples

they may have

number

Change the article

a number

the number

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of added preservatives in them which adversely

effects

Verb problem

affect

show examples

the health of

younv

Correct your spelling

young

your

children.

Secondly

Linking Words

, having

Remove the article

apply

show examples

easy access to

this

Linking Words

kind of

food

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

responsible

Change preposition

for

show examples

thr

Correct your spelling

the

rising number of overweight

kids

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globally as compared to the past. For

instace

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instance

, when parents are not around or they are swamped to cook for their

kids

Use synonyms

then

Linking Words

kids

Use synonyms

are allowed to eat junk

food

Use synonyms

that is

Linking Words

accessible to them.

Moreover

Linking Words

, Fast

food

Use synonyms

companies like

McDonald

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McDonald's

show examples

attracts

Correct subject-verb agreement

attract

show examples

kids

Use synonyms

Change preposition

with

show examples

their offers

such

Linking Words

happy

Capitalize word

Happy

show examples

meal

Fix the agreement mistake

Meals

show examples

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

also

Linking Words

have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

toy

Fix the agreement mistake

toys

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in it.

Consequently

Linking Words

, that toy

give

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gives

show examples

rise to the demand

Change preposition

for

show examples

unhealthy

food

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from these types of companies.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, after having a look at the causes of

increase

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the increase

an increase

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in the ratio of overweight young people, we will discuss how

this

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impacts

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society and the youth itself. The primary effect of

this

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could be that overweight young people can get sick quickly

Change preposition

from

show examples

infections

due to

Linking Words

weak immunity

system

Fix the agreement mistake

systems

show examples

. So, they are prone to get ill more often as compared to others.

Additionally

Linking Words

, the future of a country relies on its citizens. So if

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

teens are suffering from illness of obesity and

Verb problem

show examples

not

having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

a healthy diet,

this

Linking Words

could

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

the future of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society as well

the

Correct word choice

as the

show examples

youth. In conclusion, having an easily accessible approach to the oily

food

Use synonyms

in the cities and towns has

leads

Change the verb form

led

show examples

to ailments associated with weight problems in the early stage of life.

As a consequence

Linking Words

, they can get infected by other diseases frequently

in contrast

Linking Words

to others.

Submitted by simrankaurkaur450 on Fri Jul 26 2024

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coherence cohesion

The essay should be more tightly organized to improve its logical structure. Try to group related ideas together in a more cohesive manner.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that you have a clear introduction and conclusion, and that each body paragraph focuses on a single main idea that is well-developed.

task achievement

Improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas by providing more detailed explanations and relevant examples where needed. Ensure that every point you make directly addresses the question.

task achievement

The essay attempts to answer the question by discussing both the causes and effects of the increase in overweight children.

task achievement

You've included relevant specific examples, such as the reference to McDonald's Happy Meal as a way to attract children to fast food.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the points made in the essay and reinforces the main argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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16
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

367 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Proliferation
Sedentary lifestyle
Processed foods
Socioeconomic factors
Childhood obesity
Obesity-related conditions
Stigmatization
Fast food culture
Physical activity
Home-cooked meals
Healthcare system
Psychological problems
Diabetes
Heart disease

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The precentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The first man to walk on the moon claimed it was a step forward for mankind. However, it has made little difference in most people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, it is mandatory for school children to wear uniforms. Do the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. Do the advantages of giving children this message outweigh the disadvantages?