InMore and more people could now access information from computers and other electronic devices. Therefore, there is no need to use printed books, magazines, or newspapers on paper. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the past, Letters and Newspapers are vital for sending information. Entertainments were usually on television
such
as football games, television dramas and reality shows. Moreover
, students had to prepare books
for each day's lessons. Some heavy books
were hard to carry to school. That was the reason why studying was very hard.
Nowadays, technology
runs people's lives. We can enjoy entertainments
on our smartphones in any Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
places
and anytime. Hot news Fix the agreement mistake
place
are
now on Change the verb form
is
facebook
, Capitalize word
Facebook
twitter
, Capitalize word
Twitter
instagram
and other social networks Change the capitalization
Instagram
Correct word choice
so that
that
everybody can read news easily. Correct word choice
where
Moreover
, students do not have to take heavy books
to school or university. They can access knowledge by carrying only one smartphone tor
tablet.
It is good Correct your spelling
or
to
Change preposition
for
environment
when we use more Add an article
the environment
technology
in case
of paper. Decreasing number of the trees that Correct article usage
the case
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
cutter
in the past Replace the word
cut
for making
a lot of Change preposition
to make
papers
is Fix the agreement mistake
paper
such
a brilliant way to solve global
warming situation. The trees Correct article usage
the global
is
vital for Change the verb form
are
absorb
carbon in the air Change the verb form
absorbing
therefore
they can stop green house
effect. Correct your spelling
greenhouse
However
, electronical
trashes are hard to get rid of. Correct your spelling
electronic
That is
the reason why we should think carefully before buy
Change the verb form
buying
technology
item
.
Fix the agreement mistake
items
In contrast
of
useful ways of Change preposition
to
technology
, more people loss
their jobs from Replace the word
lose
development
Correct article usage
the development
in
new social Change preposition
of
platform
. Newspaper and publisher Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
business
decreased income by Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
low
rate of buying Add an article
the low
a low
books
took
over by other businesses. Wrong verb form
taken
However
, there are many new jobs developing from new social network
since as Fix the agreement mistake
networks
netidols
, TikTok stars and webpage managers. Change the capitalization
Netidols
Human
Fix the agreement mistake
Humans
is
too clever so they can solve many problems.
In conclusion,electronic Correct subject-verb agreement
are
books
are recently new trends that
is
easy to access for students. The environmental result Change the verb form
are
from
using Change preposition
of
technology
can effect
Correct your spelling
affect
thoughts
of the writer to consider reading news from Correct article usage
the thoughts
smartphone
more than Correct article usage
a smartphone
newspaper
.Correct article usage
a newspaper
Submitted by itsmeatommm on
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task achievement
Provide a clearer introduction where you state explicitly whether you agree or disagree with the statement about electronic devices replacing printed materials.
task achievement
Develop your main points further with specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and develops logically from one sentence to the next.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by using linking words and phrases such as 'moreover,' 'in addition,' 'on the other hand,' etc.
grammar
Work on grammatical accuracy and vary your sentence structures for better readability.
grammar
Avoid minor spelling errors (e.g., 'tor' should be 'or') and maintain consistent tense usage throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the potential benefits and drawbacks of increased reliance on electronic devices for information access.
coherence cohesion
The writer clearly understands that technology impacts different aspects of life, from education to environmental concerns.
task achievement
You have included some relevant points about environmental impact and job market changes due to technological advancements.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.