Maintaining public libraries is now a waste of money since computer technology is already replacing their function. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the past, people study and search
information
Change preposition
for information
show examples
by going to public
Use synonyms
library
Fix the agreement mistake
libraries
show examples
.
By picking
Change preposition
Picking
show examples
, reading over or borrowing
books
Use synonyms
home
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
made a new job ,
who
Correct word choice
as
show examples
managed
Wrong verb form
managing
show examples
and
collected
Wrong verb form
collecting
show examples
the
books
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,called
librarian
Add an article
a librarian
show examples
. Librarians
was
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were
show examples
crucial because they
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
make
Verb problem
put
show examples
the
books
Use synonyms
in the right places
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
people
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
easily
access
Correct pronoun usage
access them
show examples
. Nowadays, technology involves our lives so much.
Human
Fix the agreement mistake
Humans
show examples
search
google
Capitalize word
Google
show examples
to ask
what they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
question
Correct subject-verb agreement
questions
show examples
. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
no need to get on
bus
Correct article usage
a bus
show examples
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
go to a
library
Use synonyms
to get only one book anymore. So, decreasing in number of libraries is reasonable.
Therefore
Linking Words
sadly librarians got fired.
However
Linking Words
, libraries are not only information sources but
also
Linking Words
they are
cultural
Add an article
a cultural
show examples
expression. In Thailand m there is a national
library
Use synonyms
that anybody can go there to
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
Thai
cultures
Fix the agreement mistake
culture
show examples
. some old
books
Use synonyms
that recorded historical theory cannot be searched
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
the internat
show examples
internat
Correct your spelling
Internet
but they are only in the book at
this
Linking Words
library
Use synonyms
. In conclusion , there are some reasons that we should spend money to maintain some libraries that are vital for
historical
Add an article
the historical
show examples
part of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. By the way , we can
also
Linking Words
use
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
to arrange the system of the
books
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by itsmeatommm on

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coherence cohesion
Work on developing a more organized structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that these ideas logically connect throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve the introduction to clearly outline your stance and what the essay will discuss. Similarly, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the key points made and restate your position.
task achievement
Include more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
task achievement
Clarify your main ideas. Make sure your points are directly related to the topic and are clearly and comprehensively explained.
task achievement
You’ve made some good points about the relevance of libraries as cultural institutions and their importance in preserving historical records.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a conclusion which summarizes your main points and reaffirms your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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