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Band 5

Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline is the responsibility of teachers while other think that this is the role of parents. In this essay I will discuss both the viewpoints and share my opinion.

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Undoubtedly, spending
life
Use synonyms
 in
rules
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 is a prudent idea in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
today's world. Some section of individuals notion that tutors play a vital role
to teach
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in teaching
show examples
 the value of
discipline
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,
whereas
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 others say that
this
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 is the responsibility of
parents
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. In
this
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 essay, I will analyze both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sides
along with
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 my
view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
 in the favour of latter statement in the
upolcoming
Correct your spelling
upcoming
 paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, teachers are the backbone of
students
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students'
student's
show examples
 success because children always try to follow them. Not only
educators
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are educators
show examples
 responsible for training the value of
discipline
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 to learners, but
also
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 for
way
Correct article usage
the way
show examples
 of thinking of students to follow those
rules
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 because students spend most of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
 at
schools
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school
show examples
. Even though, the first thing schools teach folks about wearing proper dress
along with
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the
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apply
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going in the queue during
the
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apply
show examples
break time, which
considers
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is considered
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as
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apply
show examples
a
discipline
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.
Due to
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this
Linking Words
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 follow
immense
Correct article usage
an immense
show examples
 amount of regulations in institutes, which guide them to follow the right trajectory of
discipline
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.
Therefore
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, these types of training can be provided by tutors in academics.
However
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,
parents
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 are responsible for nurturing their
offsprings
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offspring
show examples
 to accept the laws during
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 whole
life
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 because
this
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 is an essential part
to achieve
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of achieving
show examples
 a fruitful
life
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. Owing to
this
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, if guardian don't train their children about following the right trajectory
then
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 teenagers can not able to follow
the
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apply
show examples
important things
such
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 as
rules
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. During the growth of adolescents their biological mother and father always
advice
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advise
show examples
 them at each stage of
life
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 to live in
discipline
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.
For example
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,
to wake
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waking
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 up early in the morning, eating properly, respecting elders,
behaving
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and behaving
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extraordinary
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extraordinarily
show examples
 in
the
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apply
show examples
front of others.
Hence
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, these are the substantial approaches to get a lucrative
life
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 after teaching by
parents
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 at home.
To conclude
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, after discussing
the
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apply
show examples
both sides, I personally believe that
discipline
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 starts from
the
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apply
show examples
birth of folks, which is the duty of
parents
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 to teach
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 children because
this
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 can be
prudent
Add an article
a prudent
show examples
 idea to achieve a profitable
life
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 in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 future.
Also
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, adolescents will
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to follow
rules
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 and regulations
during
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 whole
life
Use synonyms
 after knowing the importance of it.

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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses both viewpoints on the topic of discipline in schools, providing a clear stance in favor of the parents' role. However, improving clarity and sentence structure could enhance readability.
task achievement
Ensure that your main ideas are expressed clearly and supported with relevant, specific examples. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Logical transitions between paragraphs are crucial for maintaining coherence. Ensure that each idea smoothly leads into the next and that each paragraph connects well to your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Proofreading for grammatical errors and varied sentence structures will enhance the overall cohesiveness of your essay. This will help in making your writing more engaging and easier to understand.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well and makes your view clear from the onset.
task achievement
The essay contains supported main points that relate to the topic, and you have successfully discussed both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure present in your essay, with ideas building upon each other to support your conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • authority figures
  • enforce rules
  • set clear expectations
  • consistent consequences
  • social-emotional learning
  • behavior management
  • foundational values and norms
  • respect and responsibility
  • balanced approach
  • consistent
  • communication and collaboration
  • cohesive discipline strategy
  • societal changes
  • screen time
  • digital discipline
  • physical activities
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