IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #employers #care #employees #dress #matters #quality #work
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There are various perspectives on how should
workers
 dress up in their workshops.
While
 I suppose that it is crucial to look smart and normal in the office, I believe it is more important to focus on competencies. On the one hand, some individuals say that bosses should be firm about what their working
staff
 wear during their working time. They believe every business company has its rules that must be accepted by
staff
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because it gives a sense of commitment and responsibility to the
workers
 and it is the only way that can lead to success.
Moreover
, discipline is the key to happiness and
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 should be implemented in order to reach victory.
On the other hand
, there are views that disagree with the idea that
staff
 should be smart rather than the way they look in workplaces.
While
 I believe that policies are an integral part of a fulfilling career, it is more important to focus on qualifications first. In my opinion, entrepreneurs should have focused on recruiting intelligent
staff
 rather than just normal
workers
 who
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
 have any creativity in their tasks.
Furthermore
, it happens mostly that giving a sense of freedom to the labourers can help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
enhance their capabilities without thinking about how the way they look or what garments they wear.
To sum up
,
whereas
 there are arguments in public about the importance of
workers
' dressing conditions, I believe it is far better for bosses or managers to concentrate on the workforce's qualifications.
Submitted by pooya.olad on

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task achievement
To improve, try to deepen the analysis of each perspective by providing more specific examples and further elaboration of your points. This will not only make your argument more persuasive but also demonstrate a higher level of critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that main idea. Sometimes, the arguments can be more tightly related to each other to enhance the logical flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction that outlines the two perspectives on the issue, which is a good way to set up the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion efficiently summarizes your stance on the topic, reinforcing your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dress code
  • professional attire
  • workplace culture
  • productivity
  • branding
  • perception
  • creativity
  • equality
  • bias
  • discrimination
  • first impressions
  • freedom of expression
  • quality of work
  • skill set
  • professionalism
  • comfort
  • clientele
  • stakeholders
  • competence
  • formal attire
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