IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #towns #cities #places #squares #parks
Nowadays, more accent is emphasized on recreation zones for the public. It is essential for every urban area to have huge outdoor areas
such
 as squares and
parks
. They would enable people to have places to recreate and relax.
However
, to establish them the government would need
extra-money
Correct your spelling
extra money
show examples
 which could benefit
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
health
 sector. I am of the view that, more outdoor areas need to be constructed to help the population
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
deal with indoor stress. The human
boby
Correct your spelling
body
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to rest and
also
 to exercise to be in good
health
. Public outdoors
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more and more beneficial to all ages living in cities, starting with children for
playground
Add an article
the playground
a playground
show examples
 to older people going there for a walk.
In addition
, these
establishements
Correct your spelling
establishments
 would help to reduce
sedentary
Correct article usage
the sedentary
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 since it would
attrack
Correct your spelling
attract
attack
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the population.
For instance
, many families enjoy being in Common or Saint James
parks
 to do
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 barbecue or just to have some fresh air which is beneficial to everyone. Funds need to be gathered first prior to the construction of these areas. Administration
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to include
this
 project in their list of activities and can deprioritize the construction of
health
 facilities which can be more beneficial to the population.
Furthermore
, They could
subcidise
Correct your spelling
subsidise
subsidize
 the cost of drugs in pharmacies
instead
 of building squares and
parks
.
To sum up
, the public
deserve
Change the verb form
deserves
show examples
 facilities to promote their
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
. Big Public
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
show examples
 like squares and
parks
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 essential for
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 relaxation and recreation
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 children.
Nervertheless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, their construction requires
gorvernment
Correct your spelling
government
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 which can affect
other project
Change the wording
another project
other projects
show examples
 like the building of hospitals. In my view, big public
outdoor
Replace the word
outdoors
show examples
 are crucial for people's
health
 which would in turn reduce
health
 issues
thus
, eliminating the need to invest more
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
health
 problems.
Submitted by djoumflore on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure topic sentences clearly relate to the main topic to enhance logical flow.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples and evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on reducing grammar and spelling errors to improve overall readability.
introduction conclusion present
The essay clearly introduces the topic and provides a conclusion, which helps to wrap up the points discussed.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, presenting a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: