Some people perceive shopping as a form of self-indulgence, while others think that people should only buy things they need. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, people go to the mall to buy
the
Correct article usage
apply
things
for Use synonyms
living
. We call Correct article usage
a living
this
Linking Words
activty
Correct your spelling
activity
as
shopping. Shopping can be a daily task and Change preposition
apply
also
can be a reward for someoneLinking Words
too
.
Vital products for living are in the mall where you can buy a lot of Rephrase
apply
things
Use synonyms
such
as food, clothes, medicine and any basic facility. Some people think we should spend Linking Words
money
only Use synonyms
for
crucial Change preposition
on
things
. Because they want to limit the waste of the products overbuying. Use synonyms
Moreover
spending less Linking Words
money
will lead to much more Use synonyms
money
to save Use synonyms
fpr
the future.
By the way, many people love shopping. They call shopping as a hobby which can relieve stress from the work. Shopping Correct your spelling
for
let
adrenaline excrete making you feel happy when spending Wrong verb form
lets
money
. Use synonyms
However
, sometimes Linking Words
this
lovely Linking Words
freetime
activity turns into a disease called shopaholic. Correct your spelling
free
This
illness has to be cured like any other disease. Because it can lead to serious Linking Words
event
in the future Fix the agreement mistake
events
such
as Linking Words
making
debt and obsession.
In conclusion, shopping can be Verb problem
apply
some
Correct determiner usage
a
treats
for Fix the agreement mistake
treat
myself
when I pass Correct pronoun usage
me
examination
or win Add an article
the examination
an examination
lottery
. Add an article
the lottery
This
Linking Words
make
me Change the verb form
makes
more happy
spending Wrong verb form
happier
money
Use synonyms
for
something that I want to buy so much even Change preposition
on
it
is not Correct word choice
if it
neccessary
. So, I think we Correct your spelling
necessary
sholud
not Correct your spelling
should
strict
too much Add a missing verb
be strict
to
shopping. Change preposition
about
Therefore
you can buy Linking Words
things
that you want if it does not ruin your life.Use synonyms
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Language Accuracy
Work on reducing minor grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb tenses and punctuation.
Coherence
Enhance coherence between paragraphs by using more linking words and phrases.
Development
Develop your main points more fully with additional relevant examples and details.
Task Achievement
Clear understanding of the topic and provided a balanced discussion of both views.
Structure
Introduction and conclusion are present and well-defined.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?