Some people perceive shopping as a form of self-indulgence, while others think that people should only buy things they need. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, people go to the mall to buy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
things
for
living
Correct article usage
a living
show examples
. We call
this
activty
Correct your spelling
activity
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping. Shopping can be a daily task and
also
can be a reward for someone
too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. Vital products for living are in the mall where you can buy a lot of
things
such
as food, clothes, medicine and any basic facility. Some people think we should spend
money
only
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
crucial
things
. Because they want to limit the waste of the products overbuying.
Moreover
spending less
money
will lead to much more
money
to save
fpr
Correct your spelling
for
the future. By the way, many people love shopping. They call shopping as a hobby which can relieve stress from the work. Shopping
let
Wrong verb form
lets
show examples
adrenaline excrete making you feel happy when spending
money
.
However
, sometimes
this
lovely
freetime
Correct your spelling
free
activity turns into a disease called shopaholic.
This
illness has to be cured like any other disease. Because it can lead to serious
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
in the future
such
as
making
Verb problem
apply
show examples
debt and obsession. In conclusion, shopping can be
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
treats
Fix the agreement mistake
treat
show examples
for
myself
Correct pronoun usage
me
show examples
when I pass
examination
Add an article
the examination
an examination
show examples
or win
lottery
Add an article
the lottery
show examples
.
This
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
me
more happy
Wrong verb form
happier
show examples
spending
money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
something that I want to buy so much even
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
is not
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
. So, I think we
sholud
Correct your spelling
should
not
strict
Add a missing verb
be strict
show examples
too much
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
shopping.
Therefore
you can buy
things
that you want if it does not ruin your life.
Submitted by itsmeatommm on

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Language Accuracy
Work on reducing minor grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb tenses and punctuation.
Coherence
Enhance coherence between paragraphs by using more linking words and phrases.
Development
Develop your main points more fully with additional relevant examples and details.
Task Achievement
Clear understanding of the topic and provided a balanced discussion of both views.
Structure
Introduction and conclusion are present and well-defined.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • perceive
  • self-indulgence
  • desire
  • temptation
  • instant gratification
  • materialistic
  • consumerism
  • excessive
  • luxuries
  • impulsive
  • financial burden
  • satisfaction
  • practicality
  • essential
  • quality of life
  • prioritize
  • overconsumption
  • economic growth
  • balanced approach
  • personal fulfillment
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