IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Not enough people realise the importance of natural world. What is the reason for people’s lack of awareness? How can people be made more aware?

#people #realise #importance #world #reason #people’s #lack #awareness
It is an irrefutable point that not all
people
 realize the
importance
 of the natural
world
,
due to
 their disconnection from their habitat and
this
 is the main reason behind it,
however
, they can
also
 become aware of it by taking some measures, which I will discuss in the following paragraphs with relevant examples. Some
people
 do not know the
importance
 of the natural
world
, as, they are opponents of nature since they saw
this
world
. There are a plethora of
people
 on
this
 earth, who have not seen the sunrise in the morning, beautiful rain in the spring season, and, huge snow in the winter, because, they live in big houses, and, have very hectic schedules, which do not let them connect with the universe. In
this
 case, they don't know the
importance
 of sunrise for their eyes,
as well as
 the
importance
 of the rain for the earth, that's why, it is a considerable point that only a few
people
 are aware of the vital role of the natural
world
. To make the
world
 know about the prominence of the natural
world
, some measure needs to be taken by the governments
such
 as releasing new films about the
world
 apart from human beings, as, nobody
dislike
Change the verb form
dislikes
show examples
to watch
Change the verb form
watching
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
movies in the modern era
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 It will not
help
Rephrase
only help
show examples
 the individuals to connect with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 will put feelings in their
heart
Fix the agreement mistake
hearts
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
biodiversity. In the
movies
Add a comma
movies,
show examples
 the film stars can
demonstrates
Change the verb form
demonstrate
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, how
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 cycle can be stopped by killing all the
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
, why deforestation needs to be stopped,
what
Correct word choice
and what
show examples
 are the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 behind the soil
erosin
Correct your spelling
erosion
erotic
. The biggest example is the
bollywood hindi
Correct your spelling
Bollywood Hindi
show examples
 movie name The Bhoomi, which revealed the feelings and history of a girl, who was connected to
the
Change the word
her
show examples
 home forest and died
due to
 deforestation and so many
people
 learnt
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
how trees are important
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 us.
Thus
, by taking
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of steps, society can become aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 it. To synopsize, I pen down saying that,
hectic
Correct article usage
a hectic
show examples
 schedule
disconnect
Correct subject-verb agreement
disconnects
show examples
people
 from the natural
world
 and
not
Add a missing verb
does not
show examples
 let them realize the
importance
,
however
, by
crating
Correct your spelling
creating
show examples
 natural films, individuals can become aware.
Submitted by hkaur14165 on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your ideas. Some points are repeated or seem disjointed, making it harder for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Ensure all relevant examples directly support the argument. Some examples provided are not clearly connected to the main points of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Revise sentence structures to avoid unnecessary commas. This will improve readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding the main argument.
task achievement
The task is addressed generally well, with insights into why people might lack awareness and potential measures to address it.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided, particularly mentioning films as a way to educate people about the natural world.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental conservation
  • technological advancements
  • economic growth
  • overwhelming flow of information
  • sensational news topics
  • environmental education
  • media campaigns
  • environmental degradation
  • core curriculum
  • social media influencers
  • non-governmental organizations (NGOs)
  • community projects
  • hands-on involvement
What to do next:
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