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Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is the best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinions

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
I agree with the statement, that there are
people
 who could live with limited
money
 or endure an unsuitable
job
,
while
 others actively strive to improve their lives.
This
 essay will dive into the argument for embracing an unsuitable
job
 with insufficient funds
,
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 and fighting for a better life. Ultimately, I believe
people
 who are not settling for less will have a persistent character and always do their best in everything. Some
people
, who don’t have any satisfaction in their
job
, will cause less productivity in their results. Even though
,
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 they come to an office to work, they seem less interested in their
job
, and they wouldn’t give their best.
Furthermore
,
people
 with
this
 attitude will tend to complain about their
job
 rather than enjoy it. Living with only a small amount of
money
 will make
people
 feel unhappy and difficult to survive.
Although
people
 have enough
money
 to live, it’s not easy to buy what they want because they have to think twice before they decide to buy it.
People
 in
this
 situation
also
 tend to save their
money
 for the future rather than spend it on themselves.
Moreover
, currency rates in several countries always get higher and higher every year.
Consequently
, it presents difficulties for
people
 with lower incomes to survive. Because of
this
,
people
 need to work hard to improve their lives, so they can survive in the future. These
people
 want to get financial freedom in their lives, so they can buy everything they want without any consideration.
Additionally
,
people
 who have achieved something in life, tend to have a feeling of satisfaction and happiness.
Submitted by inekemargareta20 on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the topic, it does so in a somewhat general manner. To improve, provide more specific examples and elaborate on your points to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and that all sentences in a paragraph contribute to the main idea. This will help improve logical structure and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Adding a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points and provides your final opinion will give better closure to the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument effectively, which is a great approach to discussing the topic comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally coherent, with ideas being presented in a logical sequence.
coherence cohesion
The use of conjunctions like 'however,' 'furthermore,' and 'moreover' helps in linking ideas and maintaining the flow of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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