Many people around the world use social media day to keep in touch with other people and new events. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, modern technology is allowing us to benefitfrom
anumber
of new facilities, which our ancestors did not, one of them is being on social Correct your spelling
a number
number
media
,however
, no matter how many advantages
social media
has, it can also
start an addiction for the young juveniles, which can affect their mental health. In this
essay, I will discuss the advantages
and disadvantages of social media
.
In my opinion, social media
can be a great place to communicate with your friends and family, especially when you are far away from them. Social media
plays a vital role these days in helping people
to communicate and also
is a platform where you can find new friends from all around the world.
Firstly
, one of the biggest advantages
that social media
have is allowing you to keep in touch with your loved ones, which helps you to keep them updated with your private life so they can never feel left out. For example
, numerous young adults leave their country to study or to work in another nation which they consider is the best for them, these folks confess that social media
helped them to stay connected with their close ones as if they never left. Therefore
, social media
helped them to know all the events and matters that were going on in their friends and families' lives.
Secondly
, social media
can be a platform which makes people
feel bad about their own person and body. A number of folks use social media
as a way to stalk other people
's life
and celebrities, which increases their addiction to social Fix the agreement mistake
lives
media
. For example
, plethora
Correct article usage
a plethora
folks
tend to copy the lifestyle of influencers and envy their body or their lives and want to be exactly like them, Change preposition
of folks
however
, they do not know that all of this
affects their mental health and all of the stalking on social media
can destroy their lives, no matter how much they try to be like influencers or celebrities they would never achieve that, because each person is different.
In conclusion, the advantages
or disadvantages of social media
depend on the way a person is using the platform, as many people
who choose to use it in a healthy way benefit much more from it,
than Remove the comma
apply
people
who are using it for egoistic reasons.Submitted by annaungureanu794 on
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task achievement
The introduction is generally clear but could benefit from a more explicit statement of your position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Try to clearly state your stance to better guide the reader.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples and supported your main points well. However, consider delving a bit deeper into how social media addiction specifically affects mental health, possibly with references to studies or statistics.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure and flows well; however, some paragraphs could be linked more smoothly. For example, use transitional phrases to connect the discussion of advantages and disadvantages more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is cohesive overall, be cautious of minor language errors and typos (e.g., 'benefitfrom' should be 'benefit from'). These small inaccuracies, although not major, can break the reader's focus.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the central argument of the essay. Well done!
task achievement
The use of specific and relevant examples, like young adults studying abroad, strengthens your argument and adds credibility to your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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