Car ownership has increased rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam'. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

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In the past thirty years,
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car
Add an article
the car
a car
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is
Wrong verb form
has been
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one of the most popular vehicles around the world. Many
people
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want to have their own
car
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, so the number of
car
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ownership
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owners
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has risen highly and led to be massive
big
Correct word choice
apply
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traffic
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problem. Having said that, I strongly agree with the statement because everybody in
this
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world travels by
car
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almost every day. Because of a comfortability,
people
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like using cars for many activities
such
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as driving to work, travelling, sightseeing, and so on.
This
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is one of the
reason
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reasons
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to motivate
people
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to buy their own vehicle. Some
people
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believe that having their own
car
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will make
a
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apply
show examples
life easier for going. In fact, some cities
faced
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face
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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big
traffic
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jam
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jams
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after
car
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ownership has increased rapidly.
For example
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, London found that a
traffic
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problem
makes
Verb problem
causes
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an
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apply
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air pollution
for
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in
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the city, or
people
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feel very
distrub
Correct your spelling
disturb
disturbed
from
a
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the
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noise of the
traffic
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road.
Moreover
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, some countries have a
cost
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of public transportation more expensive than using their own
car
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especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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in South East Asia, Thailand, Vietnam, and so on.
This
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also
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is one of the
factors
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that lead
people
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to buy a
car
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instead
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. So,
Goverments
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Government
Governments
should consider taking some
factors
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to discourage
people
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from using their own cars.
Firstly
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,
a
Correct article usage
the
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cost
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of public transportation should not be high and cheaper than oil's
cost
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. Next is a comfortability and fast. If governments can
mange
Correct your spelling
manage
show examples
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this kinds
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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of issue,
people
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will change to use
the
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apply
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public transportation.
Lastly
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, a variety of
transportations
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transportation
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can help
people
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to have more
choice
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choices
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of
using
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use
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in order to reduce only
car
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using
Replace the word
use
show examples
. In conclusion, there are vital
factors
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that can reduce
number
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the number
show examples
of vehicle ownership including
cost
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, time and flexibility. If governments can
mange
Correct your spelling
manage
show examples
above
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the above
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factors
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, they can
be discourage
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discourage
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people
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to have
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from having
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their own
car
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to use many different
transportations
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means of transportation
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.
Finally
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,
this
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will lead to
reduce
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a enormous
traffic
Use synonyms
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
.

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task achievement
While your essay addresses the prompt effectively and provides clear points, there are areas for improvement. For instance, you can add more specific examples and evidence to support your claims. This will make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Some parts of your essay can be better organized to enhance clarity and coherence. For instance, linking words and phrases can be used more effectively to show the relationship between ideas. Utilizing paragraphs effectively to separate different points can be beneficial as well.
language
Review your essay for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. There are several minor grammatical errors that, if corrected, will enhance readability and professionalism.
task achievement
The introduction clearly sets the context and presents the topic effectively.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points well.
coherence cohesion
The main points are relevant to the question and present a logical sequence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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