Car ownership has increased rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam'. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

In the past thirty years,
car
Add an article
the car
a car
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
one of the most popular vehicles around the world. Many
people
want to have their own
car
, so the number of
car
ownership
Replace the word
owners
show examples
has risen highly and led to be massive
big
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
traffic
problem. Having said that, I strongly agree with the statement because everybody in
this
world travels by
car
almost every day. Because of a comfortability,
people
like using cars for many activities
such
as driving to work, travelling, sightseeing, and so on.
This
is one of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
to motivate
people
to buy their own vehicle. Some
people
believe that having their own
car
will make
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
life easier for going. In fact, some cities
faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big
traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
after
car
ownership has increased rapidly.
For example
, London found that a
traffic
problem
makes
Verb problem
causes
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air pollution
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the city, or
people
feel very
distrub
Correct your spelling
disturb
disturbed
from
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
noise of the
traffic
road.
Moreover
, some countries have a
cost
of public transportation more expensive than using their own
car
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
in South East Asia, Thailand, Vietnam, and so on.
This
also
is one of the
factors
that lead
people
to buy a
car
instead
. So,
Goverments
Correct your spelling
Government
Governments
should consider taking some
factors
to discourage
people
from using their own cars.
Firstly
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
cost
of public transportation should not be high and cheaper than oil's
cost
. Next is a comfortability and fast. If governments can
mange
Correct your spelling
manage
show examples
this kinds
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
of issue,
people
will change to use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation.
Lastly
, a variety of
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
can help
people
to have more
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
of
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
in order to reduce only
car
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
. In conclusion, there are vital
factors
that can reduce
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
of vehicle ownership including
cost
, time and flexibility. If governments can
mange
Correct your spelling
manage
show examples
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
factors
, they can
be discourage
Change the verb form
discourage
show examples
people
to have
Change preposition
from having
show examples
their own
car
to use many different
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
means of transportation
show examples
.
Finally
,
this
will lead to
reduce
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a enormous
traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
.
Submitted by matty10 on

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task achievement
While your essay addresses the prompt effectively and provides clear points, there are areas for improvement. For instance, you can add more specific examples and evidence to support your claims. This will make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Some parts of your essay can be better organized to enhance clarity and coherence. For instance, linking words and phrases can be used more effectively to show the relationship between ideas. Utilizing paragraphs effectively to separate different points can be beneficial as well.
language
Review your essay for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. There are several minor grammatical errors that, if corrected, will enhance readability and professionalism.
task achievement
The introduction clearly sets the context and presents the topic effectively.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points well.
coherence cohesion
The main points are relevant to the question and present a logical sequence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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