Car ownership has increased rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam'. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?
In the past thirty years,
car
Add an article
the car
a car
is
one of the most popular vehicles around the world. Many Wrong verb form
has been
people
want to have their own car
, so the number of car
ownership
has risen highly and led to be massive Replace the word
owners
big
Correct word choice
apply
traffic
problem.
Having said that, I strongly agree with the statement because everybody in this
world travels by car
almost every day. Because of a comfortability, people
like using cars for many activities such
as driving to work, travelling, sightseeing, and so on. This
is one of the reason
to motivate Change to a plural noun
reasons
people
to buy their own vehicle. Some people
believe that having their own car
will make a
life easier for going. In fact, some cities Remove the article
apply
faced
Wrong verb form
face
the
big Correct article usage
apply
traffic
jam
after Fix the agreement mistake
jams
car
ownership has increased rapidly. For example
, London found that a traffic
problem makes
Verb problem
causes
an
air pollution Correct article usage
apply
for
the city, or Change preposition
in
people
feel very distrub
from Correct your spelling
disturb
disturbed
a
noise of the Correct article usage
the
traffic
road. Moreover
, some countries have a cost
of public transportation more expensive than using their own car
especially
in South East Asia, Thailand, Vietnam, and so on. Add the comma(s)
, especially
This
also
is one of the factors
that lead people
to buy a car
instead
.
So, Goverments
should consider taking some Correct your spelling
Government
Governments
factors
to discourage people
from using their own cars. Firstly
, a
Correct article usage
the
cost
of public transportation should not be high and cheaper than oil's cost
. Next is a comfortability and fast. If governments can mange
Correct your spelling
manage
this kinds
of issue, Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
people
will change to use the
public transportation. Correct article usage
apply
Lastly
, a variety of transportations
can help Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
people
to have more choice
of Fix the agreement mistake
choices
using
in order to reduce only Replace the word
use
car
using
.
In conclusion, there are vital Replace the word
use
factors
that can reduce number
of vehicle ownership including Change the article
the number
cost
, time and flexibility. If governments can mange
Correct your spelling
manage
above
Correct article usage
the above
factors
, they can be discourage
Change the verb form
discourage
people
to have
their own Change preposition
from having
car
to use many different transportations
. Fix the agreement mistake
means of transportation
Finally
, this
will lead to reduce
a enormous Verb problem
apply
traffic
jam
.Fix the agreement mistake
jams
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task achievement
While your essay addresses the prompt effectively and provides clear points, there are areas for improvement. For instance, you can add more specific examples and evidence to support your claims. This will make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Some parts of your essay can be better organized to enhance clarity and coherence. For instance, linking words and phrases can be used more effectively to show the relationship between ideas. Utilizing paragraphs effectively to separate different points can be beneficial as well.
language
Review your essay for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. There are several minor grammatical errors that, if corrected, will enhance readability and professionalism.
task achievement
The introduction clearly sets the context and presents the topic effectively.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points well.
coherence cohesion
The main points are relevant to the question and present a logical sequence.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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