Today Inceasingly, more people have freedom to work or live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this system outweigh disadvantages.

In today's globalization,
people
around the world
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
its
Change the word
the
show examples
power to travel, work and live abroad.
This
is
due to
the
technology
's
more widen
Wrong verb form
wider
show examples
and its complex
effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the world. Few
people
argue that the benefits of
this
medium in communication and
transportain
Correct your spelling
transportation
outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
the harmful
effects
. Partially, the privacy and security of each
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
in
this
matter will contradict the functions of
technology
. A massive number of
people
have been a victim of the negative side of moving to other places with the use of satellite. For most
people
, their privacy and
satellite
Fix the agreement mistake
satellites
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
the topmost
essential
Fix the agreement mistake
essentials
show examples
in living
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
modern world.
A news
Remove the article
News
A piece of news
show examples
has been trending online broadcasting a tourist from Paris who travelled to America
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the security at the airport requested to inquire regarding
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
show examples
destination which is personal .
Hence
, many
people
will use
its
Change the word
the
show examples
traditional way of communicating and travelling
instead
utilizing
Change preposition
of utilizing
show examples
the
skeptical
Change the spelling
sceptical
show examples
effects
of the
technology
.
On the other hand
,
people
are saying that
technology
is a way or tool to address the issue of intruding
privacy
Change preposition
on privacy
show examples
and trespassing
one's
Change preposition
on one's
show examples
security. There are other
application
Change the wording
applications
show examples
and other software that are developed to
vanish
Verb problem
eliminate
show examples
the main conflict of whether to use
technology
or not. Josh
winston
Change the capitalization
Winston
show examples
, an inventor of "Safe and sound" software,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
gave the communication industry a global change that helps in eradicating wrongful intentions in invading
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
privasy
Correct your spelling
privacy
. These inventions will lead
people
not just to rely
in
Change the preposition
on
upon
show examples
technology
but
also
indulge
Fix the infinitive
to indulge
show examples
in every
specifications
Change to a singular noun
specification
show examples
that
ise
Correct your spelling
is
tend to be useful.
To conclude
,
technology
has given
people
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
two
effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
daily life. One is its advantage to eradicate a problem and address
issue
Correct article usage
the issue
show examples
in its own way. Meanwhile, it
also
provides
people
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
means to stall from utilizing it.
Submitted by dhowardjacob on

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task achievement
To improve your score, focus on making your introduction clearer by defining the terms and setting the scene for your argument. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is directly related to the question. Additionally, make sure your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and provides a final perspective on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow of your essay. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and that each sentence logically follows from the previous one. Consider using linking words and phrases to help guide the reader through your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on establishing a clear logical structure. Ensure your paragraphs each deal with a single, identifiable main idea, and use topic sentences to introduce these ideas. Aim for more varied and sophisticated sentence structures to improve readability and flow.
task achievement
Your essay touches on important aspects of technology's impact on privacy and security, and offers a balanced view by considering both advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
You provide a relevant specific example about airport security which adds depth to your argument and makes it more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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