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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table shows data about the average income for one person in dollars, across two different age groups: under 18 and over 60, as well as the percentage of the poor population in three states in the US, namely California, Utah, and Florida

The table shows data about the average income for one person in dollars, across two different age groups: under 18 and over 60, as well as the percentage of the poor population in three states in the US, namely California, Utah, and Florida
#data #income #person #dollars #two #age #groups #percentage #population #three #states #california #utah #florida
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US
states
Use synonyms
enumerately
Correct your spelling
enumerated
enumerate
 California, Utah, and Florida provided in the table the average
income
Use synonyms
 its
people
Use synonyms
 gained. It
also
Linking Words
 showed the percentage of the minor and the retiree
americans
Change the capitalization
Americans
show examples
.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, the
population
Use synonyms
 who reached the poverty line was
also
Linking Words
 included.
Overall
Linking Words
,
americans
Change the capitalization
Americans
show examples
 who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in California
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the highest
income
Use synonyms
 among the named
states
Use synonyms
 despite its increasing poverty line. Utah has the most minor
population
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 has
lead
Change the verb form
led
show examples
 its average
income
Use synonyms
 to decline compared to other
states
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
People
Use synonyms
 in Florida's
income
Use synonyms
 was in the middle point regardless of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
agin
Correct your spelling
age
people
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
California
the
Add a missing verb
has the
show examples
 largest
income
Use synonyms
 among other
states
Use synonyms
. It
also
Linking Words
 has the largest
population
Use synonyms
 of poor
people
Use synonyms
 residing. It has an average
population
Use synonyms
 of
minor
Fix the agreement mistake
minors
show examples
 and
retiree
Fix the agreement mistake
retirees
show examples
. Meanwhile, in the state of Utah, who gained the lowest but has the least poor
people
Use synonyms
 recorded
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 It has the lowest number of
people
Use synonyms
aging
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 above 60 years old and has 28% of
people
Use synonyms
 aged under 18 years old.
Lastly
Linking Words
, citizens living in Florida
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the top rate when it
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 to
minor
Fix the agreement mistake
minors
show examples
 and younger
people
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
 16% or the lowest in having
people
Use synonyms
 aged under 18.
Submitted by dhowardjacob on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, lastly".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words states, income, people, population with synonyms.
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