An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

#people #surgery #appearance #operation #change #development

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Nowadays, more and more

people

Use synonyms

want to have cosmetic

surgery

Use synonyms

to make them more beautiful or handsome. I believe that because of the rejection and exclusion

fear

Verb problem

apply

show examples

they

want

Add the particle

want to

show examples

make these changes in their look and

also

Linking Words

I argue that

this

Linking Words

is a negative development in

people

Use synonyms

's lives. A growing amount of

people

Use synonyms

choosing to change their look with cosmetic

surgeries

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such

Linking Words

botox

Capitalize word

Botox

show examples

and plastic surgeons. These kinds of

people

Use synonyms

have

fear

Correct article usage

a fear

show examples

of getting rejected by someone and

also

Linking Words

they think that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society will exclude them just because they think they are ugly.

For instance

Linking Words

, Some

people

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who do not have so many friends think that they do not have friends because they are ugly.

However

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Most

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most

show examples

people

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do not care about how their close friends look, they just want to chat and have a funny moment.

Hence

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, individuals who have cosmetic

surgery

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, botox or plastic

surgery

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have

fear

Correct article usage

a fear

show examples

of being excluded from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society and rejection. These

kind

Fix the agreement mistake

kinds

show examples

surgeries

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are getting more and more popular day by day.

Moreover

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due to

Linking Words

body-shaming and social media violence most of them force themselves to get these kinds of

surgeries

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to not get violent messages or body-shaming comments from the media.

This

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such

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a negative development in their lives. Because when

people

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more and more change their appearances.

Also

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

other

people

Use synonyms

want to make jokes about ugly

people

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, If a person who has bad behaviours

such

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as joking

foreign

Change preposition

with foreign

show examples

people

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, wants to mock someone and

due to

Linking Words

surgeries

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most

people

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are beautiful or handsome in society's thoughts, because of that ugly

people

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get more attention from these kinds of bullies.

To sum up

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, An increasing quantity of

people

Use synonyms

want to have

surgery

Use synonyms

to make themselves more beautiful or handsome

due to

Linking Words

their fears about getting rejected and being excluded. I argue that

this

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is a negative development because when they have more and more

surgery

Use synonyms

media tyrants want to bully other ugly

people

Use synonyms

more and more.

Submitted by taylanpolat6124 on Sat Jul 27 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Consider developing a more structured introduction. You can begin with a broader statement related to the topic before narrowing it down to your specific argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Provide a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes the key points in the essay and restates the thesis in light of the evidence provided.

Coherence and Cohesion

Improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Transitional phrases can help to link ideas smoothly.

Task Achievement

While the essay provides relevant examples, more detailed explanations would further strengthen your arguments.

Task Achievement

Elaborate on your points to provide deeper insights. For instance, discuss societal pressures and mental health implications in more detail.

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the key points of the prompt, discussing reasons for increased cosmetic surgery and evaluating its impact.

Task Achievement

Relevant examples like societal rejection and body-shaming on social media help illustrate the arguments.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

331 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Idealized beauty standards
Cosmetic surgery
Advancements in medical technology
Socially acceptable
Self-improvement
Psychological well-being
Competitive workforce
Youthful appearance
Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
Physical appearance

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An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?

Some people think that illegal Internet downloads are having a negative effect on the music industry. Others feel that have little or no impact on artists. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people thimk that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important tham History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things.Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it

Some people believe that children who are brought up in families which don't have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up in wealthier families. To what extent do you agree or disagree.