An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, more and more
people
want to have cosmetic surgery
to make them more beautiful or handsome. I believe that because of the rejection and exclusion fear
they Verb problem
apply
want
make these changes in their look and Add the particle
want to
also
I argue that this
is a negative development in people
's lives.
A growing amount of people
choosing to change their look with cosmetic surgeries
such
as botox
and plastic surgeons. These kinds of Capitalize word
Botox
people
have fear
of getting rejected by someone and Correct article usage
a fear
also
they think that the
society will exclude them just because they think they are ugly. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, Some people
who do not have so many friends think that they do not have friends because they are ugly. However
, Most
Fix capitalization
most
people
do not care about how their close friends look, they just want to chat and have a funny moment. Hence
, individuals who have cosmetic surgery
, botox or plastic surgery
have fear
of being excluded from Correct article usage
a fear
the
society and rejection.
These Correct article usage
apply
kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
surgeries
are getting more and more popular day by day. Moreover
, due to
body-shaming and social media violence most of them force themselves to get these kinds of surgeries
to not get violent messages or body-shaming comments from the media. This
is such
a negative development in their lives. Because when people
more and more change their appearances. Also
, the
other Correct article usage
apply
people
want to make jokes about ugly people
. For example
, If a person who has bad behaviours such
as joking foreign
Change preposition
with foreign
people
, wants to mock someone and due to
surgeries
most people
are beautiful or handsome in society's thoughts, because of that ugly people
get more attention from these kinds of bullies.
To sum up
, An increasing quantity of people
want to have surgery
to make themselves more beautiful or handsome due to
their fears about getting rejected and being excluded. I argue that this
is a negative development because when they have more and more surgery
media tyrants want to bully other ugly people
more and more.Submitted by taylanpolat6124 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider developing a more structured introduction. You can begin with a broader statement related to the topic before narrowing it down to your specific argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Provide a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes the key points in the essay and restates the thesis in light of the evidence provided.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Transitional phrases can help to link ideas smoothly.
Task Achievement
While the essay provides relevant examples, more detailed explanations would further strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
Elaborate on your points to provide deeper insights. For instance, discuss societal pressures and mental health implications in more detail.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the key points of the prompt, discussing reasons for increased cosmetic surgery and evaluating its impact.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples like societal rejection and body-shaming on social media help illustrate the arguments.