IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help Write a letter to this friend. In your letter Give details of your study plans Explain why you want to get a part-time job Suggest how your friend could help you find a job

#country #study #part #time #job #friend #lives #help #plans
Dear Marwa, How are you? I hope my
letter
find
Change the verb form
finds
show examples
 you well. I'm writing
this
letter
 to inform you about my new and to need your help. I explain the details in
this
letter
. In the
begain
Correct your spelling
begin
bargain
, I want to inform you that I
was accept
Change the verb form
was accepted
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 to continue my doctoral study in Montreal where you
leave
Correct your spelling
live
show examples
. It is a collaboration between my
university
 and Montreal
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
. I'm one of
select
Add an article
the select
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 students in
this
 project.
Moroeaver
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, it is essential to stay in
Moreal
Correct your spelling
Montreal
 for 3 years to achieve my doctoral
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
Also
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Montreal
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 gives me a subvention program to help me
about
Change preposition
with
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 my financial situation. I will receive 3000 $ monthly.
However
,
this
 money is insufficient
for paying
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to pay
show examples
 the cost of my daily life in one month.
The half
Correct article usage
Half
show examples
 of
this
 amount is for the rent of my
appartment
Correct your spelling
apartment
 and the rest is for my daily courses. 1500$ is insufficient for these
couses
Correct your spelling
courses
causes
. For these reasons , I need to have a part-time job In
this
 context, I hope you help to find
this
 job. Indeed, you
live
Wrong verb form
lived
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 in Montreal 3 years ago and you
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
studied
in
Change preposition
at
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 the same
university
.
Besides
, you
now
Correct your spelling
know
show examples
 more than me the way to find a part-time job near the
university
.
Finally
, I hope my friend that you help me and I
wait
Add the preposition
wait for
show examples
 your response
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 my
letter
. Bests regards Rabeb
Submitted by rabebhamdi on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and try to link your paragraphs smoothly. For example, explaining how knowing the right avenues for part-time jobs can help build more context.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, include more specific details about the types of part-time jobs you’re interested in and any skills or experiences that would make you suitable for them.
suitable writing tone
The letter maintains a friendly and appropriate tone throughout, which is suitable for writing to a friend.
greeting and closing
The opening and closing of the letter are well-executed and engaging.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
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