IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegatables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #parks #spaces #gardens #residents #fruit #vegatables
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Local inhabitants who live in some urban areas are changing public parks and open spaces into
gardens
Use synonyms
 to grow their food and vegetables.
Although
Linking Words
 there are cons, I believe that there are more pros. Let's begin by looking at the disadvantages of growing fruit and vegetables. The most significant disadvantage is that
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
 appearance of the city, which is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a modern and spotless place, will be spoiled as garden activities are quite dirty.
For example
Linking Words
, there will be dirt and mud on the street as
people
Use synonyms
 enter and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
leave the
gardens
Use synonyms
 or harvest their goods.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the products might not provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tranquility
Change the spelling
tranquillity
show examples
 and a calm atmosphere because of urban life. Turning to
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 side of the argument there are positive aspects of growing products. One of the main positives of growing the goods is that the inhabitants need not
to
Remove the word
apply
show examples
buy products which are sold in supermarkets. What I mean by
this
Linking Words
 is that residents can save their money.
Secondly
Linking Words
, growing fruit and vegetables can improve
people
Use synonyms
's farming skills, and it might invite
people
Use synonyms
 to protect their nature.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can grow plants in
gardens
Use synonyms
 in the middle of urban areas can support them mentally, and with their mental illnesses
such
Linking Words
 as depression. Given that gardening is a calm and relaxing activity
people
Use synonyms
 can either decompress
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 find a new hobby when doing
this
Linking Words
.
To sum up
Linking Words
 it's true that there are disadvantages of replacing public parks with
gardens
Use synonyms
nonetheless
Linking Words
 I believe that there are more beneficial aspects of
this
Linking Words
 trend than its negative sides, in terms of health improvement and money saving
Submitted by minimix1203 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures. Avoid repetition and ensure your explanations are more detailed.
coherence cohesion
Focus on crafting smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph links logically to the next.
task achievement
The essay provides clear main points and generally supports them with explanations.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets up the topic well and provides a clear thesis statement. The conclusion effectively summarizes the overall argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: