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Writing Samples
Band 3

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because band customers travel to large shopping centre or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#years #shops #band #customers #travel #centre #malls #development
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Over the
last
 few years, the number of people who prefer shopping from grocery stores
than
Change preposition
to
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 local markets has increased significantly.
Although
 there are several advantages of shopping from the mall, it can have some disadvantages as well. In
this
 essay, I will do my best to discuss both positive topics and the negative sides of
this
 and draw a conclusion. On the one hand, I would like to discuss some of the positive aspects of buying
products
 from luxury malls. The first benefit of it is that it is considered to be that the
hyper market
Correct your spelling
hypermarket
show examples
 is convenient. As there is a lot of demand for several
products
.
Thus
, every customer easily finds their own
products
. Another positive aspect is thought to be that it is beneficial for business owners and
unemployers
Correct your spelling
unemployed
 people who attend as assistants in these shops.
On the other hand
, despite the mentioned positive sides, shopping from large malls might have some inevitable drawbacks. One of the major drawbacks of it is that it is too expensive than local markets, which does not make society affordable for buying
products
.
For example
, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
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rich people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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wear from
boutique
Correct article usage
a boutique
show examples
is
Correct your spelling
it
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 brings
to
Change preposition
apply
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unequalty
Correct your spelling
inequality
 in society. In conclusion,
while
 shopping from grocery stores can offer several positives,there may be some drawbacks too. From my personal point of view,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of it will be trendy.
Submitted by shakhzod0905 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer structure. Organizing your ideas into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences will help. Consider outlining your essay before writing.
Task Achievement
Try to better support your main points with specific examples and further explanation. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some sentences are repetitive or unclear. Reading your essay aloud can help catch these issues and improve clarity and readability.
Task Achievement
Make sure to directly address the prompt. For example, explicitly state whether you think this shift is a positive or a negative development in your introduction and conclusion.
Task Achievement
Your essay attempts to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of shopping in large shopping centers, which is relevant to the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a conclusion which summarizes your perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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